leave without a trace...

Home is where the Heart is .

2012-01-27T08:12:00.000-08:00

♥

I'm finally home ~~~~ #happygirl95 please ! Haahah I'm tweeting much more these days and LOL I'm tweeting everything up nowadays xD Anyways I super duper love this song ! Her voice is a-maz-ing like seriously ! Haahah , I'm sound weird typing like this . Maybe I should just start speaking perfect english . Back to my first point , it feels awesome to be back home . Never thought I miss this place so much . I think mum redecorated cause it looks kinda strange . Or it could just be me , I don't know . Hadn't be updating , so I'm just rambling , meh . Anyhow , I was thinking maybe I should post my O level results ! LOL in case I forget and my future kids ask about them ;D if I ever have kids that is . So this is how it goes ;

English - A1
Literature in English - B3
Combine Humanities - B3
Mathematics - A2
Science (Physics , Chemistry) - A2
Design & Technology - A1
Chinese - A2
Chinese (Oral/Aural) - Distinction

Ta-dah ! I'm kinda upsat over my literature and humanities , cause they're suppose to be my stronger subjects , end up got the same grade for both :/ Super happy with my maths cause my maths is like uhhhhhh LOL . Pretty happy overall , generally can get into most of the poly courses but sadly cannot get into MJC cause I don't have CCA points or higher chinese . But IN YO FACE TO THOSE WHO MINUS POINTS STILL GET WORST THAN ME . LOL it's payback for laughing at me xD Got the same as my smart cousin from Anglican High and better than the also smart cousin from Anderson . Am a happy girl ;DD Goes to show that getting into a neighborhood school isn't the end of the world . Damn I'm so used to auto-correct that there are red underlines everywhere xD

So I applied for Ngee Ann poly , Arts Business Management , so if you're ever gonna ba a Artistes maybe I'll be your manager xD But damn the school's so far away that it takes three freaking hours to get there from Tampines . Imagine the time I have to wake up to get there on time . But oh well , good things are worth waking up for , so ... LOL should stop complaining before people start throwing bricks at me .

Initial plan was to talk about home and house today , so let's get back on track !

Stranger : Poor girl , you don't have a home .

Girl : Excuse me but we do have a home . We just don't have a house to put it in .

This is so true . Home is where the heart is , no ? Rather than pitying those without a house , I think the ones who we should be pitying the most are those who have a house but no home . Imagine returning to an beautiful but empty house everyday , where there's no family warmth , no laughter , no happiness .Now , imagine returning to a family , where your children run to greet you when you barely stepped into the doorstep , and you have a warm bowl of soup waiting for you at the dining table . My point is , one does not hve to have to hugh house with classy furniture and french finishes to be happy . Though your house may be small and maybe a little messy , but if you have love in it , and your hearts wants to go back to it , it's enough .

So seriously , be thankful that you have a mother who nags at you when you reach home pass curfew , that you have a father who hugs you and ask how was your day , that you have siblings that pull your hair or hide your things cause these are the simple pleasure in life that not everyone has the pleasure of going through . Think of all the orphans before you slam the door at your mum , think of the old folks living alone when you're about to shout at your dad and think of the ones who lost their family before you argue with your siblings . Count your blessings . Don't take what people wish they have for granted , because they one who'll regret in the end , is you .

I want a complete family too . But I've never got the chance to live that dream . And honestly , it still hurts .

Even when your heart is hurting , don't cry .

Nocturne

2012-01-05T12:33:00.001-08:00

When she'd left , Judith stepped close to Clair . Marie moved over to put out the fire , discreetly giving them space to talk .

Judith didn't hug Claire . She didn't touch her or smile at her . She simply held Claire's gaze with her blue-grey eyes , which were exactly the color of a february morning .

" Beatrice isn't telling you the truth . She's trying to be nice but if you treat this like it's no big deal , it will just make things worse for you in the end . "

The words were painful , but the honesty of the hurt felt better than the lying smile she'd put on for Beatrice .

" I know . " Claire whispered .

" No you don't ," Judith said quietly . " This will break you . The same way that the surface of the moon has been broken by the meteors that smash against it . But this doesn't have to destroy you . The shattered moon still glows . You will still be . and from there you will have to find your own way through . "

It was the worst thing anyone had said to Claire all night . But , somehow , it gave her the courage to face the next twenty four hours . And she was determined to do exactly what Judith had said - to find her own way through .

2011-10-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

♥

I used to really hate rainy days . And I used to hate talking too . Well , specifically public speaking xD And well , today Ariel mentioned "Do people hate something because they're not part of it ?" To some extent , I think it's true . But to a large extent it isn't true , at least not for me .

I mean look at this statement : I hate Ah Lians .

Who are the ones who say them ? It's definitely not the ah lians themselves since it would be downright hilarious if they say that the hate themselves xD Most of the time , I would be those who are not in any way involved in these kind of things . Like the nerds ? Or maybe the normal people who can't stand their dressing / social grace because they do not act like that .

But in another cause , it can be totally personal . Like if the ah lians did something to someone that isn't all rainbows and sunshine , they'd dislike them for sure . Unless you Jesus , now that's a different story .

Like for my case , I hated rainy days . Keyword : hat-ED . Not anymore , but I used to hate them .Well , it's totally personal that I have something against it and also at the same time , I hated how people could have fun in the rain but I can't find joy in that . But see , the point is , usually it starts with a totally personal reason and soon , because you dislike it you start to find fault with it and find reasons to explain it and it all becomes the fault of that particular thing and not yourself . Get my drift ?

So basically , I guess I'm just trying to say that it's in our nature to do this kind of thing . To blame something else for things that are clearly because of ourselves . Because we don't want to face the fact that we have once been hurt , or have once disliked someone for a completely selfish reason that we do this kind of things to justify our feelings . It's like a constant need to ask "Why ?" to everything that if we can't answer that question , and we're desperate , we use something else to cover up for ourselves . In a way , it's like self deception . Am I making sense ? xD

God , it's such a wordy post . AND I SHOULD BE STUDYING RIGHT NOW TT THERE"S LITERATURE TOMORROW . IN THE MORNING ;( LOL I don't know what came over me . I just had to get that out of my system . Anyways , I found a letter today online that someone wrote for B2ST my forever K-POP obsession . AND DON"T JUDGE BITCH . It's sad . Though I THINK it isn't real xD But just imagine it in a real context okay ? Here goes :

Dear BEAST members, hello.

I am your fan, Yoo Jaeshim. I am an amnesia patient.

If you do receive this letter, it probably means that I finally wrote this letter in one whole go without forgetting what I had to write.

This disease I have, the doctors say it's a very rare one.

I know that it's sad and all; and I know you guys will pity me, but I don't need it now.

My point is, that I am starting to forget all six of you soon.

When the disease hadn't attacked me yet, I was a great B2UTY. I followed all your events, bought all your merchandise, your albums.

I loved you guys. And I still do now, at least at this point of time when I'm writing this letter.

I do not wish for anything more, just to let you guys know that I loved BEAST, because they have been an awesome group, always bringing laughter and great music for all of us who love you so much.

I'm glad that I have been a B2UTY, although I will forget that sooner or later.

Lately, I've started to forget all the members' names, I can't seem to fit the names with the faces anymore, I guess, if I saw you six in person, I might not be able to recognise you anymore.

All but one. Yong Junhyung.

Yong Junhyung-ssi, I don't remember if you used to be my bias or not, but your name and face seems to be the only one that I cannot forget. I wonder why is that the case. Perhaps, you learn magic (:

I will gradually, even forget the existence of all six of you, forget BEAST, forget the fact that I was a great fan, and all the products I bought may soon grow to be useless and worthless things in my eyes that hold no more importance.

But at the point of time I'm writing this, I am still a fan, or at least, I remember that I am.

Thank you, BEAST, for bringing me joy, even though my condition has deteriorated to the fact that I can't even remember those glad memories you guys brought me, made me a happy fangirl.

But here I am, still believing that I still love all of you.

Yoon Doojoon, Jang Hyunseung, Yong Junhyung, Yang Yoseob, Lee Gikwang, Son Dongwoon.

Now, as I'm writing this, I'm referring to wikipedia for your names. That's just how bad it is.

Even though, you might not receive this, even though, I may not seem to be very important to your eyes, I know that you will protect and look after all your B2UTIES forever, like how we do for you.

Thank you.

I love you guys, and I wish I could remember why, and I wish I could remember my love for you forever, but I know, that is not possible.

I hope this letter brought you some strength today. Perhaps, when I've completely forgot everything, a part of my subconscious will still remember you six as the men I loved, for everything you guys did.

I am proud of all six of you, and though I cannot remember you forever, please stay together forever.

Also, Yong Junhyung-ssi, perhaps, I may forget you one day too; as I silently hope that I, Yoo Jaeshim, will perhaps linger in your minds for a while more today.

Please stay strong and healthy, this is the BEAST we B2UTIES want to see.

I must remember to post this letter immediately before i forget again.

BEAST, thank you. For all the songs, the fun, the hard work.

I love you. Forever. Even if, I can't remember that."

Yours, Yoo Jaeshim.

I think this is what idols are good for . Though it may seem silly to chase after something that you might never obtain , this hope that one day you might actually meet them or even touch them , it keeps some people going . It gives them strength . It inspires them to do things . And even the idols themselves , by having fans , it gives them a reason to want to continue what they're doing . It's like a win-win solution , where one gets to fulfill their dreams and the other gets strength from them . I don't know . This may all sound so stupid to you , but if you're laughing at someone's dream , than YOU are the stupid ones .

On rainy days , I used to remember things and cry .

2011-10-04T09:56:00.001-07:00

♥

Everyone has a future and everyone hopes that their life can shine. In order to accomplish that, however, they must borrow the strength of others since it’s not possible on your own. They’re then physically taken advantage of by a museum that creates that success for you and at times you’ll find yourself acting something that you don’t want to do. It’s a song about people that use innocent people that are only innocently searching for hope.

But all I want is to be able to work hard and remember why am I doing this for .

2011-09-14T20:09:00.000-07:00

♥

Sometimes you reminisce about the people that were once close,And they start to become the people you miss the most. Thinking about all the memories you guys had,
And how you miss it all so bad.
But everyone starts to reminisce about the people that once mattered;
The ones that used to care, but started to shatter.

This chapter can never be erased . Even if it aches , it can never be replaced .

2011-07-14T08:39:00.000-07:00

♥

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ? I'M STRONGER THAN THIS .

2011-07-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

♥

A bitter day, everything will erase this way
Someday it will all be forgotten
I will probably smile when the time comes, but for now I can’t do anything about it

Even though the weather is nice, I don’t feel good at all
Feels like it’s making fun of me, I start to get angry
Drowning in a difficult situation, I start to thrash
But the world is the exact opposite, it spins perfectly fine as if nothing is wrong
And you are also living well, It's not fair, this is really not fair
Even the stares from the people passing by shows sympathy for me
Nothing is working out for me and because I missed the stop I was supposed to be off
I am suddenly reminded by the thoughts of you
The beaten up bus stop I got off looked even lonelier today so the tears just started to fall down
And like that I kept on walking for a long time
I started to miss you, who I used to just hate
Because I was so pathetic in my past days when I didn’t even have the strength to hold on to you

A bitter day, everything will erase this way
Someday it will all be forgotten
I will probably smile when the time comes, but for now I can’t do anything about it
I can’t do anything about it
Even though I’m really sad that I was reminded of you again,
It will really be hard for me, but I will keep trying to erase

No matter what I say, it will all sound like an excuse to you
Even when I tell you that all of these words are for you
You were really too much for me, I almost felt uncomfortable like wearing the clothes that didn’t match me
You were beautiful, but watching you wither away next to me, how do you think that would make me feel?
I shouldn’t have started at all, I shouldn’t have looked into your eyes the first time I met you
I thought that I would feel weightless if I let you go, but that wasn’t it
My mind understood the farewell, but my heart wouldn’t give in
Every day I would repeat drawing you and erasing you
I would handle all the suffering, I just wish that you would be happy
So that I this decision I made would not be worthless or bring any regrets
I will always pray for you

A bitter day, everything will erase this way
Someday it will all be forgotten
I will probably smile when the time comes, but for now I can’t do anything about it
I can’t do anything about it
Even though I’m really sad that I was reminded of you again,
It will really be hard for me, but I will keep trying to erase

I will erase you little by little, when time passes I will be able to remember you with a smile
Instead of the cliché phrase saying that time is the cure, please tell me a more definite way
You will be able to receive even a better love compared to the one you received from me, you are still beautiful
You said we were going to remain forever, in the end we are the same as the others

A bitter day, everything will erase this way
Someday it will all be forgotten
That day will come

When would you see ?

2011-07-08T09:27:00.000-07:00

♥

I can't get you off my mind ~ xD Why am I still awake at this time IDK , SO DON"T ASK . School tomorrow , and the day after next and the day day after next , and so on . Terrible terrible school , GOD . And it's not just the books , in fact they are getting more manageable , it's the PEOPLE . I don't understand how the freak can anyone be this FAKE . How do you manage ? I'd love to learn some acting skills from you guys .

And I feel hurt . I actually feel hurt ! WOW . I wanna give myself a "I am an idiot" badge . And maybe another "You're nothing" badge . See what I'm doing with sarcasm ? No ? Aww man ! LOL I'm typing random stuff that's going through my mind , so I guess it'd get a little weird . It's just my way of shifting the attention else where so , yeah .

I guess you guys are just hypocrites , huh ? And I guess I'm not good enough to be anything more than just a subsitude ? And that you should stay away from me ? Alright I get it . You could have just told me , I won't have to make such a fool out of myself than . You could have just say that you hate looking at my face , not some lame excuse like "Oh , I we wanted to talk , how to when you're there ?" Yeah , sure , talk . You know , I have feelings too . Not everything is about you guys .

No , I'm not angry . Neither am I blaming anyone but myself . Nor am I saying that you're not good people . I'm just saying that I'm a stupid self delusional idiot , to believe in you guys . To think you'd have my back . Yeah right . I'm sorry I'm such a fool . I'm sorry I'm still hurting even though I told myself I won't . I'm sorry I thought you guys were my friends . It's all my fault .

It hurts even more when I knew that this was gonna happen , but I told myself to see the best in people .

2011-06-19T04:39:00.000-07:00

♥

Windows .
"They are the eyes , to your soul ."

Snow float lazily down , onto the streets , onto the roofs , onto everything , making them as mysterious as can be . She sighed heavily as a yawn overcame her causing her to spill the hot chocolate onto her hands . Pulling the blanket closer to her , she reached for a napkin . "It's too cold ." she mumbled under her breath as her cat , Moon , settled down quietly near her feet . Seconds passed by and he was getting drowsy . What's taking her so long ?

∞

" He practically ran back home , despite all the snow , he managed to reach home without falling flat on his face . He considered dropping by the other's house but he opted out . He knew the younger one would prefer their windows . It was more romantic , she said . After slipping into his house with his dancer's grace , he whirled around the house in a blur of blue and white . "So many things to do , so little time ." he complained adorably to his cat , Sun , Moon's twin , as she sat , cross legged on the counter looking adoringly at her owner .

He pulled open the door childishly labelled "Warning . Danger ." eagerly . Finally he was done , and he draw open the velvet curtains to the window and peeked diagonally downwards at his love's closed windows . He called out her name , not the name she was famous for , on radio , but rather , the name he known all his life ; Taylor .

He heard the distinctive sound of someone falling off the bed and a soft "oof" before the shutters were pulled open and his angel's face appeared , their smiles mirrored each others' . He'd talk about everything under the sun with her , and they , they were happy . "

∞

Taylor stared at the empty windows , the velvet curtains drawn . The two cats sat on either sides of her rubbing their heads against her cold calves , staring wide eyed at the windows too . She slumped against her windows and slide down to the floor , her fight with tears , lost . She wrapped her arms around her chest , clenching her fists in pain as their memories and broken promises swirl around her head , refusing to go away .

"Let's go to Venice someday !"
"We'll go on our anniversary alright ?"

"Jayson , we'll become the best singer and dancer of the world right ?"
"Won't stop till we get there , love ."

"Jayson , I love you ."
"I love you too ."

"How long do you think we'll stay together , Jayson?"
"Forever , love . Forever ."

She tightened her arms around her chest , trying , trying to hold herself together , to stop falling apart . Her heart , it felt broken . Her dreams , shattered . Why ? Why Jayson , why ?
"Your windows , they've never felt this empty ."

♥

So sad right , the story . I was random clicking and saw this longer version of a drabble I wrote like god knows how long ago . My writing not bad , eh ? LOL bhb xD I think I wrote this for my form teacher in Primary 6 , cause there was his comment at the bottom , the comment that I never did understand till I see it now . LOL show eu , see f you'd understand when you were like 12 . Been so long since I saw my teacher , wonder how is he . Kinda miss him . Sorry bout the messed up fonts . Stupid blogger TSK .

Mr Toh :

I have to admit, it took me many times of reading your drabble to fully understand what was happening. It's like a mix of present-tense, past-tense, and then back again to the present. I also take it that Jayson died? It was very emotional when you mentioned their past memories, I thought that was bitter-sweet. But, more importantly, I really liked how you used the word "window" as a symbol for much more than what it's meant as. For example, like the quote you used , "The windows to the heart?" have a similar meaning . I feel like the symbolism you tried to convey in your one-shot was that the objective window stood for their memories and time spent together. And the last line you wrote, I almost get the feeling that not only Taylor can never speak to Jayson and make more memories, but also, as if she now feels empty inside without him. Overall , I think its pretty good. Keep up!

Past memories . They mean so much more than the eye could see.

2011-06-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

♥

" Everything might be messed up now , but you can put it all back together . I know you can .

It might not be the same as before , but even broken mirrors show beauty if you take the time to really look , and the cracks serve as a reminder of what you’ve faced , of what once was , so that you can dream of what could be instead of lingering on the what could have been .

In a way it was still confusing .

But you learn to laugh again .

And smile again .

And heal .

And move on . "

Thank you Rainbow J . ^^ Thank you so much , for everything .

♥

Should totally be sleeping now , but noooooooo . Cause Rainbow J's singing sucks so bad I wanna strangle him to death . Asshole only . LOL he said he almost cried when he read this post dedicated to him xD I'm giving him a 10/10 for sarcasm . So I'm bored and I'll update some stuff about today and my life in general .

Dnt's killing me and my hands . I have like scratches on my scratches on them . Bohoo . I needa hug :( So many stuff went wrong but I still managed to finish my target ^^
Rainbow J sent these real sweet messages (look above) yesterday and I saw them this morning when I woke up . So sweet must share y'know ^^
JunLang went to Hong Kong , his hometown and he didn't tell me :( So hurt ya'know :( You could have at least left a message . TSK evil boy .

Everyday this feeling grows more and more ,

2011-06-12T01:57:00.000-07:00

♥

It's been hell these few days , seriously . Can't I get a break ?! Missed the outing with my girls :( and got a hella time from my parents at home . Sigh . They've left for LA a few hours ago and now Ima go kill myself . LOL . Phone bill came and guess how much is it ? $249 . WOW . I don't even dare to tell my cousin . Well , at least my girls had fun on friday ^^ I just hope they're not angry at me ;/ Finish reading "Hold Still" that I bought from Ms Tan , it was freaking good . why can't it appear when my godparents die ? T.T It would have helped me handle it better . Should I post some of it up ? Maybe next time .

I'm so tired you know . I know I've said that like a million times but I guess whining just doesn't help .

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ? WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS , MAKE LEMONADE . AND I LIKE LEMONADE , SO THERE .

LOL . Sorry , I'm going crazy . I really gotta sort out my life , like now . Os are coming pretty soon , and I don't think I wanna screw up that part of my life too . And you know what's the best part ? No one even bothers to ask if I'm okay . And now I feel like some pathetic loser who thought that you guys were better than this . Correction : I AM a pathetic loser . But I'm through feeling sorry for myself . I'm stronger than this . What's this to me ? I've handled bigger stuff than this . I can do it . I just have to believe , no ? And I know , at every step of this road , you'll be there with me . You promised right ? And I trust that you won't let me down .

Optimism , baby . Optimism .

2011-06-05T05:49:00.000-07:00

♥

Pencil: I'm sorry.

Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.

Pencil: I'm sorry because you get hurt because of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.

Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.

Ripped from facebook ^^ Credits to Shermin (?) Been doing my homework for the longest time after drawing up some mindmaps and notes . Still can't quite get why I can't do chemistry . I mean I know all the stuff but somehow I guess I still don't know how to apply them . JieKai can't teach chem for nuts .

And I love this song ^^ I'll marry which ever guy who sings this to me . To those stupid people who judge before knowing anything , this song is about this guy who was cold and indifferent about love . He promised himself that he would only find a girl that loves him and not the other way around . But than he meets this girl who made him know what love was . He started to change , and the guy who was indifferent changed into someone who'd leave messages with emoticons on her phone , just to see her smile . They're close but not really close (if you know what I mean) and he's sick and tired of the uncertainty of losing her . He wants to make her love him , to hold on to her and never let her go . Awesome , ain't it ? But this kind of love story , this kind of guy , only appears in movies .

You know , I've been thinking lately . Maybe they're right after all . I really do feel happier here . I feel more at home . I mean who won't ? Every morning I'd wake up to a morning text asking me to wake up for school , and when I walk into the kitchen , breakfast's on the table with a note beside . On the way to school , I'll receive another text reminding me to get off at the right stop , and to pay attention to class . After class , I'd get a call asking me to wait for him before going home .

For the first time , I feel loved . Family love . I know I would break his heart when I say this but it's the truth . And maybe I don't want to go home anymore you know . I'm not sure if I'm even fit to call it my home . But when I'm here , I know that if something happens to me , someone would actually care enough to make sure I'll be okay . Am I selfish to say I don't wanna let this go ? Is it selfish of me to want to hold on to this feeling and never let go ? Is it ? There are so many things I'm not sure of . So many questions I need to find the answers to .But I'm sure , so sure , I don't want this to end . I don't want to leave your side . Am I being selfish to want to be happy ?

LOL that's some food for thought , no ? xD Sowwie for the wordy and boring post xD Anyways , should I go swimming with Ariel tomorrow ? It's bad for my hair but great for my mind . Should I ? Oh ! which reminds me , I haven reply her yet xD And I need to bathe . So many things to do , so little time ~ Gonna go watch Pokémon later with JieKai *lessthanthree*

Byeyeum ~

I wanna make you love me ~

2011-05-27T21:34:00.000-07:00

♥

Heyyy , like I told Ariel , I'm obsessed back about K-Pop again ~ LOL can't blame me . I need to direct my stress to other things ya'know . Anyways , these few days have been Chinese , Chinese and more Chinese . And I dreamt about Chinese last night like WTF ?! I'm gonna kill myself soon .Slept real late last night to do my chinese compo and in the end I spill water all over it and the ink got smudged . GOOD JOB . Ended up not going for DNT in the morning cause I overslept . >:/

Loved yesterday . Even though it was basically spent in school and home it was awesome ^^ . Was released from school at round 10 cause there was parent-teacher conference . Went for Chinese class till round 12 and headed to the canteen with Ariel for breaklunch xD. Like no one there only . Except for UV and Valencia (?) who we don't really know . I think JunLang was there too ~ Was gonna do my homework but Dhruv and Jasmine came by and was distracted for godknowshowlong . Wrote 3 words in 2 hours xD Best . Crap loads , Dhruv was being annoying . Two of them left round 1 and LOLOL-ed mad at this retarded guy doing some weird video . Crapped and laughed in the end guess how many words I write ?

Went to walk round school to de-stress , cause I was gonna go crazy soon . Came back , no use at all . But Kai and Ashely gave me all my points ^^ Heh ! And LOL actually UV's singing not bad uh ! And Ariel's epic fail .YooVee uh , Ariel . And we concluded kaopei-ing me can be a hobby == Rushed home , cause SOMEONE was gonna cook and I don't want him to burn down the house . It turned out pretty good . Cause got me la . Dinner was epic .

" Huh this is maggie mee ? OMG Maggie Mee got like this one uh ? Where you buy sia . "

"Heaven . "

"Got this store uh ? Woah , 7-11 gonna die . "

LOL-ed mad . Haha love them to bits .

I guess sometimes , it's the simple things that keep me going . Like a few hours with Ariel talking about nothing and everything in school , I actually felt more happy than going out to some expensive place with like a huge group of people . Like how a dinner with my cousins who literally have no blood relation with me can make me laugh , with all my heart . Maybe , I don't really need you guys after all . All you people , who don't care , who broke my heart , who hates me . Why should I hold on to you ? I'm happy right now , like this .

Friends ask if you're okay . Best Friends come straight to your house and ask you to be a man .

2011-05-22T02:04:00.000-07:00

♥

" You know Piglet , sometimes people care too much . I think , it's call love ."

Winnie the Pooh teaches kids such wonderful things , no ? LOL . JieKai dug out some old CDs from the back of his wardrobe when we were packing it (to put my clothes xD ; they were back from the dry cleaners .) One of it was Winnie the Pooh so we watched it and awwww , the story was so sweet ~ Anyways , have been watching old cartoons all afternoon , today being the last day before I start working hard . Yaknow , every site I've been to , can see everyone saying how they're gonna break their results to their parents , whining , complaining . LOL , the irony .

Anyways , watched Macbeth that day ~ OMG it was damn awesome , though I can't really understand some parts . Love the Three Witches . The whole play , atomsphere , genre , etc were all sort of set by their appearances . Like everytime they appear , the setting changes , and the play progresses deeper into the story . I like how they start and end the play and how the series of events seemed to be caused by them but in fact it's the way they phrase each of their sentences , the probe into Macbeth's sub-consciousness and caused him to act the way he did . The acting's sorta kinda awesome ^^ .

Went out with Mayvis yesterdat after DNT . Had lunch with her , KaiQuan and Ashely before heading to her house to bathe and change . Went to Chinatown , Little India and Bedok senpang (?)Bought varrious random stuff , like fans , bangles , and oheemgee , mashed potatoes *less than three* LOL , we shall never wear heels to shopping ever again xD Legs hurt mad . Went for dinner at Bedok there , the chicken rice , damn nice . Gonna go have dinner with JieKai soon , we're going to Bedok 85 !!! Though it's a littl far , but the food's worth it ! Hokkien Mee , here I come ^^

I think , I like you .

2011-05-19T08:00:00.001-07:00

♥

Bad day . Got back literature first thing in the morning , got 63/100 , that's a B4 . Afterwards got back English results , 65/100 , B3 . The comprehension was freaking disappointing I swear . Shag-ness started from then . After recess was maths lesson , which naturally , we got back our maths results . Worse time of the day . I fucking failed my maths . And it was the only subject that I actually studied for . D7 . So , as I've said , i cried for like the whole maths lesson . I just can't stop you know ? It's all my fault . I should have studied harder . I shouldn't have let anything distract me . It's my fault .

Got back Combined Humanities afterwards it was alright I guess . Got 36/50 for SS and 31/50 for history , so overall , B3 . Then got back my DNT . JOKE OF THE DAY . LOL I got like 56/100 and I'm like second in class like WTF ?! And I expected to get higher score , by the way . Shags to the max , then still must do DNT like go and die only . And I am so not looking forward to getting back my other results . Especially my sciences . I'm gonna just break down again like today . 12 people pass chemistry in my class . Wow or WOW . And I gotta feeling ~ I'm n ot gonna be in that 12 . Hiaxx , lowest point in my secondary school life is officially now . I'm like an inch to rock bottom . I'll be there by tomorrow . And what's worst ? Ms Ang's gonna take me back for maths during the June camp . Life , you're officially fucked up . And please , please don't get any worse . I'm so tired .

After this week , I'm gonna start all over again . I'm not gonna let anything bring me down , ever . I'm gonna study . I'm gonna get into a JC and prove you wrong . All of you . I'll prove you wrong . Mark my words . I really gotta tidy up my life . I ... I don't know where to start . I'm so lost , and no one's there to show me what's right , what's wrong . I realy wished I could wake up one day , and find everything gone . Everybody , they're leaving me . Every single one of you . But it's alright . Honestly , there wasn't really anyone here to begin with .

What do you want from me ?

2011-05-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

♥

It's these times when you realized who your true friends are . And right now , I've never felt so alone . And you know what's the best part ? Strangers actually care . WOW . Mindblown . Yeah and thanks for calling . You actually remembered ! I REALLY appreciate it *rows eyes*

Anyways , school tomorrow , so not looking forward to it . But the up side is , I'm gonna go catch a movie with Kai *less than three* so long never go out with him already ^^ And maybe Ashely I think . Gonna get back results tomorrow , better bring extra tissue . And there's DNT too , and so , hell begins once more . Don't you just hate going back to the crap you left knowing it'll just kill you and no one would even care ? Yeah , I know . And you know what ? I hate talking on the phone . I HATE it . And if I can talk to you on it for freaking 5 hours when you're just in the living room , it would mean that you actually meant something to me . Are you that stupid ?

Cousin's sick gotta take care of him . Funny max . Like every hour "Jing , I wanna die . " , "Jing , I want water ." , "Jing , medicine ." Even when I'm bathing . LOL I guess it's call repayment , yeah ? I don't owe you anything anymore ! Muhahaha . Anyways , gotta go soon , later he die xD Byeyeum ~

Got any grapes ?

2011-05-12T10:16:00.000-07:00

♥

Awww this song so sad :( Yay I'm posting instead of studying my Physics , likeaboss ~ I'm so sure I'm gonna cry mad when I get back my results . Even though it's kinda my fault for not studying properly :( But you know that feeling ? The feeling where you know you'll fail but it's still so disappointing when you get back your results . So much that you feel like crying . Like my maths . Hiaxx , but I did study for it . Feel so frustrated .

So these few days have pretty much been the same , I guess . Wake up , go school , exam , curse at the paper , home with LiLi , locked out of home , randomly bus around , head home again , study , sleep . And the process repeats . So boring right my life ? Tsk . Went for breakfast with Arile on Wednesday after history and KFC today with Mayvis and Amos . LOL we cabbed to school xD DNT was alright but I didn't study the 555 circuit so I'm guessing no more A1s for the paper :( I keep telling myself : Aiya sua just give up on MYE only . But in the end I'll still study to some extent though I know I won't get As for anything . It's just so automated you know ? And plus , studying gets my mind off things . I miss my sister , my mum .

Today was a bad day . Woke up , headed to Tampines and found out that Mayvis haven left house . Waited for her at Mac for at least half an hour , and Mac wasn't even open . She came , waited for Amos but gave up and left a note at Mac in the end . Breakfast , Amos came . LOL but he didn't see the note (shucks man !) Went foe DNT paper , things were going well till the stupid 555 circuit came out . Headed out of school with Jaslene , Mayvis , Emilia . Bought Mars balls (which wasn't as good as expected :( ) met up with LiLi and Aaron . And OHEEMGEE LiLi told me __________________________ . Mindblown , I swear . Went over to That Coffee Place at Punngol with LiLi (which was the only good thing about today .) The pasta was amaazing ~ And I found a new place to study ~ Muhahahahaha . JunLang came afterwards , talked and kaopei-ed before leaving for home .

Sorta bus-ed with JunLang . LOL caused he was on his bike and chasing the bus . Damn epic . And I swear the people on the bus must think I'm crazy xD I was laughing to myself throughout the ride . Met up with him at the bus-stop again before heading our separate ways . Than everything went downhill from there .

Kye here's where I'm gonna tell you something . My dearest cousin , so now you want to play this kind of game ? You sure ? Than still want to step one Mr Handsome and Nice ? Slap your face lehh . LOL I'm not angry at you kye ? Don't think too much ~ I'll never ever be angry at you ^^ Don't feel as if you owe me anything . Cause in fact , I'm the one who owes you . This is why I didn't want to go home at first . I knew you'd be like this . Don't be hurt . It's alright if I am but it's not if you are . I'm broken enough . A little more doesn't really matter . Just promise me to stay happy . Always . Don't ever forget that alright ? And tell Justin I'm sorry , preety please ? xD

LOL I typed a literature essay sayyyy . That's what comes for not updating often :( Anyways Ima gonna go sleep now , it's gonna be 2 soon ~ Ohhhhhh go check out Ariel's cover on Forget You . IT'S AWESOME I PROMISE . Nights people , study hard ! Don't fail like me !

Absence . It makes the heart forget .

2011-04-30T01:25:00.000-07:00

♥

Awww been's ages since I last post . Haven been using the computer often nowadays . So ! Update ^^ It's the mid-year exams period , how's everyone's been doing ? LOL I've been crazy over school and stuff , though I didn't study much . Can't find the will to :( They've gone overseas and now I all alone in this house in Punggol . I don't dare to go out , cause I know I'll get lost xD So been hanging out with LiLi and JunLang and the CDC people , LOL they damn cute xD Went for steamboat and ktv yesterday . They were really sad :( Didn't sing much , my throat hurts :( And I got microphone phobia xD

Tagged along with JunLang to punngol to wait for someone and damn JOKE . The house right beside where I was waiting , wasted my time waiting for at least an hour . People stare at me like some crazy homeless person like that cause I was talking to the stars xD Must kick that habit in public sia . So I'm now at Punggol all alone , and somehow I managed to heck into the computer thus I'm posting ~ xD I think I damn smart sia ~

This week's been crazy , didn't have time to explain everything to the clique , felt real bad . Was with Mayvis for all the breaks , cause she was alone and I can't leave her alone when she's always there for me . Shall explain that to them soon . I feel so cut out from the world for the whole week idk why . I mean , only at night . But somehow when I'm with JunLang everything feels alright . I think he got super power sia . LOL but I feel bad for dumping all my problems on him . Haha shall stop pestering him in the future xD Going swimming later ~ Wohoo ! It's been too long man ! xD Byeyeum ~

I'm sorry for so many things .

2011-04-25T09:39:00.001-07:00

I don't wanna be a burden .

2011-04-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

♥

Cry when you want to cry. Don't purposely hold in your sadness
I'll embrace you so that you can smile again

When you're tired, I'll lend you my shoulder so that you can rest for a bit

I pray no tears in your dreams
I know you'll fly high in your life

Although this world tries to look at you with a small view
I can confidently say you're the only one

Find your broken dreams again. Don't say that you can't
I will help you to make that dream come true

When you feel like you can't breathe, close your eyes for a bit and think about your future

I pray no tears in your dreams
I know you'll fly high in your life

Although this world tries to look at you with a small view
I can confidently say you're the only one

Uh I'll protect you and stay by your side as tears flow
Just rest without any worries in my embrace
The sadness formed in your eyes that won't fall
In your dreams there are rough dark clouds that don't show but
you smile. Don't hold back your hurt anymore
Just throw it high into the sky. I want to go towards the end now
Open up the wings that were folded away. Take my hand

Don't cry again

I pray no tears in your dreams
I know you'll fly high in your life

Although hearts that changed coldly may not know you,
who is cooler than anyone, stay by my side. You're the only one

I pray no tears in your dreams
I know you'll fly high in your life

At least that's what I wish I could do for you .

Awww today was a great day ^^ Went over to Ball's house at round 5am for awhile since he was alone and talked about everything that has been going on in our lives . He seemed happy ^^ That's the first great thing today . After a few hours , think about 10(?) , I head over to Jurong East to find Jeremy (Second great thing , haven seen him in a looooong time) and to help Yu play for some pre-order stuff . Went window shopping at some random mall before heading back to Tampines to find Ariel ^^

Was gonna wait for her to appear but met Dhruv , Randyne , Gillian , Ashely , Mahathir and Sazaman (is this how you spell his name ?!) at the void deck opposite school . Third great thing cause I didn't have to wait alone xD . Randyne said we waited for her for like 45minutes so I'm glad I wasn't alone . Felt guilty for not waiting for her to come before heading to Mac . Randyne forced me to ! He was like dragging and pushing and pulling me , LOL AND MR LOW SAW xD Damn joke . Laughed out loud .

Random note : Is it me or am I typing weird ?

Anyways , went for my first meal of the day at Mac with them (it's my first time in a month !) . Chatted nonsense with Randyne on the way there while Gillian and Ashely walked with lightning speed (xD) and Dhruv just long-boarding around and around . Lunch was hilarious . G told me that there's this guy who trained his dog to listen to spells as commands . CUTE OR CUTE ?

Went separated ways afterwards and headed back to school for LiLi 's CDC . LOL-ed mad with Mayvis . The performance damn funny I swear . Haha got this guy call cow milk (?) damn joke , his boobs damn big I swear xD LOL Mayvis just want to kaopei some girl the whole day only . Damn joke . Highlight of the day man . Stayed there till like 7+

Took 27 with Lili , Nicole , ChunLong , and Evelyn(?) was suppose to meet Jeremy again at Ikea but some stuff happened and ended up heading to Punggol with ChunLong instead . He's damn nice I swear . I didn't even know him but he tried to cheer me up . Found out he's a 95'er too ! Told him bout some stuff (idk why) and he accompanied me till like 9.30pm before sending me to the bus stop . Felt bad for making Mayvis , Lili worry bout me and making ChunLong stay with me (even though I didn't ask him to xD)

Random note : Hypophrenia. A vague feeling of sadness seemingly without cause.

And now I'm gonna feel worse cause I leaving home to go to Hendersen Wave though I promised them I'd stay at home . Shhhhh , they don't need to know . I need some time alone . Sorry . There's no one at home anyways ~ It's too quiet . I'll be fine . I always am .

Please , please just call .

Psychological test .

2011-04-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

♥

1. You are walking into the forest with someone . Who is it ?

2. An animal appears . What is it ?

3. The animal attacks you ! :O What do you do ?!

4. You walk ahead and see a house . What kind of house is it ? :)

5. Are there guards or fences there ?

6. You go into the house and see a cup . What is it made out of ?

7. Finally, you go out to the back of the house , there is a water source . What is it ?

Alright , answer time ! And don't you dare scroll down if you haven't answer the questions !!

1. The person you walk into the forest with is the person closest to you .

LOL I answered without even thinking . My sister *less than three*

2. The animal you see is your problems, and what kind of characteristics they have .

Mine's Panther . You know the black big cat not the Panda or Pink Panther hor !! LOL it means like they're huge and would prolly kill me if I don't play dead xD

3. What you do when the animal attacks you is how you face your problems .

I said I would kill it . LOL like impossible only . But I did ! That means I'm a brave girl who faces my problems instead of running away ! Yeah ! ^^

4. The kind of house shows how much of your life you reveal to people . For example, glass = you don't hide much. Bricks = probably a little hard for people to see through you . The size of it is your greed .

Hahahahahaha mine's a Glass Castle . Go figure .

5. The fences and guards symbolizes how open minded you are . If there's both than you'r really close minded . :(

I have none alright ~

6. The cup's material is you love relationship's durability . For example , if it's glass , your relationships are very fragile . If it's stone , your relationships are very strong .

Mine's glass . (Again .) True true .

7. The kind of water source you have is how much sex drive you have . For example, KaiQuan chose tap , win .

LOL waterfall . And I was imagining the Pet Society one don't think wrong !!

Haha not bad right ? I love these types of test . The show a side of a person that they themselves don't really understand either . And the test is given to me by Aaron okay !! LOL must bold his name or else later he come sue me xD Honestly , take these type of test casually and just don't think so much , you'll find that the answers are more meaningful and true that way . Be true to yourself . Cause no one will ever think of you in any way if you don't believe that you're like that in the first place . Remember that and you'll be happier . It's the little things that matter . If you can see the good in those little actions , life will be beautiful . Trust me . I know ^^

Judge and be judged . That's the rule of life , no ?

2011-04-17T07:33:00.000-07:00

♥

Faceless , just numbered .

Lone pixel in the bitmap .

I , anonymous .

I'm tired . So I heard I meant nothing to you uh ? Wow , can't believe I thought I did , asshole . Anyways , I've like three tests tomorrow . FML seriously . And I gotta hand up my dnt folio on thursday , kill me now . Aww I don't wanna fail *breaks down and cry* So many things went wrong . So many things I'd rather not know . So many things are killing me inside . I feel like screaming / crying but for some reason I can't . I can't cry anymore . And it feels terrible . It's breaking my heart .

There are certain things I know I'd feel better sharing with someone else but I don't know who to tell . I don't know who'd understand and tell me what I've been waiting to hear . I don't know . I just don't know anymore . It used to be so clear . That line . But it's not there anymore . Why ? :(

The greatest irony of life is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone after that person walks out from your life and sometimes you think you're already over a person but when you see them smile at you , you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again . For some , they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person . Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love; love is always present. It's just the one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little as we all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just for past times , while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. Here's a piece of advice : let go when you're hurting too much , give up when love isn't enough and move on when things are not like before . There is someone out there who will love you even more , surely then , you will know true love .

This isn't something you can just take away .

2011-04-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

♥

A broken mask, splintered like glass,
A ghostly smile, tasted so vile,
A bleeding scar, perfection's mar,

Somewhere in the distant, I hear
you cackle, teasing the me who's a fool
Somewhere in the abyss, I hear
your taunt, teasing the me who's a tool .

" Did your father and I did such a bad job? We raised you to run away from love, to never be happy like this. "

You have no idea , mum .

Tired .

2011-04-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

♥

"Un coup d'état which is de French for Coup d'état ~ Muhahahaha"

LOL he's the cutest villain EVER xD

Gonna go catch Hop tomorrow with my sister , mum and cousins . ^^ I'm sick giaz :( Damn tired even if I do nothing :( Don't feel like doing anything anyways . Went to study with Mayvis , Kai , Ashely but failed in the end . TSK . Was gonna study tonight with Ashely and Kai again but I'm tired . Stupid running nose's killing me . Missed school on Tuesday and Wednesday . Felt damn bad for not going to DNT :( And I just realized I still had loads to do so I'm stressing now . xD . Bought the book Dracula !! And if it's good I'm gonna go hunt for the original cover instead of the green cover we see everywhere in the school library .

Ohohohoh and I bought a schedule book ! Ha I can plan my life now xD . I wanna find a drama to watch ! Any recommendations ? LOL I need to escape from my own by watching TV dramas so that I can feel I don't have the worst life in the whole of Tampines . (LOL I won't say whole world since it's kinda evil with Africans starving and Japanese losing people they love .) Kinda had a row with dad again . Seriously . :( . I wanna cry :( . LOL I won't fyi xD . Really wanna call Parry though . He's got the whole story but I guess it's kinda weird to be calling him at all . Oh well . Shall go drama hunting ^^ Nights people ^*

Un coup d'état

2011-03-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

♥

I'm not a fan of Japanese anime , but for some reason this story made me cry at least 3 times xD I think most prolly it's cause the story plot is not from Japan but still I realized how great Japan is at producing this kind of work . (Cause the guy damn handsome xD) Pray for Japan okay ?Anyways , it's a Literature book leh . Loads of hidden meaning in it . Great book , awesome production .

So bout my life . Finally told Dhruv some stuff which Johan and Yong Kai (wtf?!) overheard . Tsk . Didn't want anyone to know about it but it seems like I'm exposing myself == So tired these days . Even if I sleep for the whole day , I still feel tired . Home doctor said it's prolly cause I'm mentally tired not physically . Not that I know what that means anyway . Mum's really worried bout my stuff , feel so bad . I'm not a good daughter :( Note to self : Treat your mummy better ^^ LOL she fell in love with KOI btw . And OMG KOI when you turn it over it's the chinese word "bean" !! MINDBLOWN . xD And Renee's gonna buy me something ! It's like our present exchange so yeah ^^ School's gettting more manageable now that my DNT has took off smoothly , I have more time for my other subjects and myself . It's been ages since I head to the Yishun starbucks to find Jen . Should do that soon , I guess . Of course there's some down sides in the relationship department since I'm not looking for any targets any time soon . xD I miss my tuition teacher though I'm perfectly fine with his brother ^^ Still loving (NOT obsessed) K-Pop as always no matter what them haters say ~ And and my pedo crush cut his hair . Nooooooooooooooooooo ~ He's still cute anyways ! ;p Overall , life's good so no complains . ^*V

Sorry for the wordy post about my life xD I'm sure no one's gonna read that huge chunk of words except me so it's fine anyways ^^ Blogger should stop changing my fonts before I pull a sword and kill it . Random thought and though I know he prolly does not read my blog anymore but : I miss Cookie :( I don't know why so don't ask . Byeyum , gonna go to bed soon and meet my future husband in my dreams ^^ *virtual hugs* Like I always say ; Stay happy always !

Seems like you're the only flaw in my life .

THE NIGHTINGALE AND THE ROSE

2011-03-20T04:16:00.000-07:00

♥

"She said that she would dance with me if I brought her red roses,"
cried the young Student; "but in all my garden there is no red
rose."

From her nest in the holm-oak tree the Nightingale heard him, and
she looked out through the leaves, and wondered.

"No red rose in all my garden!" he cried, and his beautiful eyes
filled with tears. "Ah, on what little things does happiness
depend! I have read all that the wise men have written, and all
the secrets of philosophy are mine, yet for want of a red rose is
my life made wretched."

"Here at last is a true lover," said the Nightingale. "Night after
night have I sung of him, though I knew him not: night after night
have I told his story to the stars, and now I see him. His hair is
dark as the hyacinth-blossom, and his lips are red as the rose of
his desire; but passion has made his face like pale ivory, and
sorrow has set her seal upon his brow."

"The Prince gives a ball to-morrow night," murmured the young
Student, "and my love will be of the company. If I bring her a red
rose she will dance with me till dawn. If I bring her a red rose,
I shall hold her in my arms, and she will lean her head upon my
shoulder, and her hand will be clasped in mine. But there is no
red rose in my garden, so I shall sit lonely, and she will pass me
by. She will have no heed of me, and my heart will break."

"Here indeed is the true lover," said the Nightingale. "What I
sing of, he suffers--what is joy to me, to him is pain. Surely
Love is a wonderful thing. It is more precious than emeralds, and
dearer than fine opals. Pearls and pomegranates cannot buy it, nor
is it set forth in the marketplace. It may not be purchased of the
merchants, nor can it be weighed out in the balance for gold."

"The musicians will sit in their gallery," said the young Student,
"and play upon their stringed instruments, and my love will dance
to the sound of the harp and the violin. She will dance so lightly
that her feet will not touch the floor, and the courtiers in their
gay dresses will throng round her. But with me she will not dance,
for I have no red rose to give her"; and he flung himself down on
the grass, and buried his face in his hands, and wept.

"Why is he weeping?" asked a little Green Lizard, as he ran past
him with his tail in the air.

"Why, indeed?" said a Butterfly, who was fluttering about after a
sunbeam.

"Why, indeed?" whispered a Daisy to his neighbour, in a soft, low
voice.

"He is weeping for a red rose," said the Nightingale.

"For a red rose?" they cried; "how very ridiculous!" and the little
Lizard, who was something of a cynic, laughed outright.

But the Nightingale understood the secret of the Student's sorrow,
and she sat silent in the oak-tree, and thought about the mystery
of Love.

Suddenly she spread her brown wings for flight, and soared into the
air. She passed through the grove like a shadow, and like a shadow
she sailed across the garden.

In the centre of the grass-plot was standing a beautiful Rose-tree,
and when she saw it she flew over to it, and lit upon a spray.

"Give me a red rose," she cried, "and I will sing you my sweetest
song."

But the Tree shook its head.

"My roses are white," it answered; "as white as the foam of the
sea, and whiter than the snow upon the mountain. But go to my
brother who grows round the old sun-dial, and perhaps he will give
you what you want."

So the Nightingale flew over to the Rose-tree that was growing
round the old sun-dial.

"Give me a red rose," she cried, "and I will sing you my sweetest
song."

But the Tree shook its head.

"My roses are yellow," it answered; "as yellow as the hair of the
mermaiden who sits upon an amber throne, and yellower than the
daffodil that blooms in the meadow before the mower comes with his
scythe. But go to my brother who grows beneath the Student's
window, and perhaps he will give you what you want."

So the Nightingale flew over to the Rose-tree that was growing
beneath the Student's window.

"Give me a red rose," she cried, "and I will sing you my sweetest
song."

But the Tree shook its head.

"My roses are red," it answered, "as red as the feet of the dove,
and redder than the great fans of coral that wave and wave in the
ocean-cavern. But the winter has chilled my veins, and the frost
has nipped my buds, and the storm has broken my branches, and I
shall have no roses at all this year."

"One red rose is all I want," cried the Nightingale, "only one red
rose! Is there no way by which I can get it?"

"There is away," answered the Tree; "but it is so terrible that I
dare not tell it to you."

"Tell it to me," said the Nightingale, "I am not afraid."

"If you want a red rose," said the Tree, "you must build it out of
music by moonlight, and stain it with your own heart's-blood. You
must sing to me with your breast against a thorn. All night long
you must sing to me, and the thorn must pierce your heart, and your
life-blood must flow into my veins, and become mine."

"Death is a great price to pay for a red rose," cried the
Nightingale, "and Life is very dear to all. It is pleasant to sit
in the green wood, and to watch the Sun in his chariot of gold, and
the Moon in her chariot of pearl. Sweet is the scent of the
hawthorn, and sweet are the bluebells that hide in the valley, and
the heather that blows on the hill. Yet Love is better than Life,
and what is the heart of a bird compared to the heart of a man?"

So she spread her brown wings for flight, and soared into the air.
She swept over the garden like a shadow, and like a shadow she
sailed through the grove.

The young Student was still lying on the grass, where she had left
him, and the tears were not yet dry in his beautiful eyes.

"Be happy," cried the Nightingale, "be happy; you shall have your
red rose. I will build it out of music by moonlight, and stain it
with my own heart's-blood. All that I ask of you in return is that
you will be a true lover, for Love is wiser than Philosophy, though
she is wise, and mightier than Power, though he is mighty. Flame-
coloured are his wings, and coloured like flame is his body. His
lips are sweet as honey, and his breath is like frankincense."

The Student looked up from the grass, and listened, but he could
not understand what the Nightingale was saying to him, for he only
knew the things that are written down in books.

But the Oak-tree understood, and felt sad, for he was very fond of
the little Nightingale who had built her nest in his branches.

"Sing me one last song," he whispered; "I shall feel very lonely
when you are gone."

So the Nightingale sang to the Oak-tree, and her voice was like
water bubbling from a silver jar.

When she had finished her song the Student got up, and pulled a
note-book and a lead-pencil out of his pocket.

"She has form," he said to himself, as he walked away through the
grove--"that cannot be denied to her; but has she got feeling? I
am afraid not. In fact, she is like most artists; she is all
style, without any sincerity. She would not sacrifice herself for
others. She thinks merely of music, and everybody knows that the
arts are selfish. Still, it must be admitted that she has some
beautiful notes in her voice. What a pity it is that they do not
mean anything, or do any practical good." And he went into his
room, and lay down on his little pallet-bed, and began to think of
his love; and, after a time, he fell asleep.

And when the Moon shone in the heavens the Nightingale flew to the
Rose-tree, and set her breast against the thorn. All night long
she sang with her breast against the thorn, and the cold crystal
Moon leaned down and listened. All night long she sang, and the
thorn went deeper and deeper into her breast, and her life-blood
ebbed away from her.

She sang first of the birth of love in the heart of a boy and a
girl. And on the top-most spray of the Rose-tree there blossomed a
marvellous rose, petal following petal, as song followed song.
Pale was it, at first, as the mist that hangs over the river--pale
as the feet of the morning, and silver as the wings of the dawn.
As the shadow of a rose in a mirror of silver, as the shadow of a
rose in a water-pool, so was the rose that blossomed on the topmost
spray of the Tree.

But the Tree cried to the Nightingale to press closer against the
thorn. "Press closer, little Nightingale," cried the Tree, "or the
Day will come before the rose is finished."

So the Nightingale pressed closer against the thorn, and louder and
louder grew her song, for she sang of the birth of passion in the
soul of a man and a maid.

And a delicate flush of pink came into the leaves of the rose, like
the flush in the face of the bridegroom when he kisses the lips of
the bride. But the thorn had not yet reached her heart, so the
rose's heart remained white, for only a Nightingale's heart's-blood
can crimson the heart of a rose.

And the Tree cried to the Nightingale to press closer against the
thorn. "Press closer, little Nightingale," cried the Tree, "or the
Day will come before the rose is finished."

So the Nightingale pressed closer against the thorn, and the thorn
touched her heart, and a fierce pang of pain shot through her.
Bitter, bitter was the pain, and wilder and wilder grew her song,
for she sang of the Love that is perfected by Death, of the Love
that dies not in the tomb.

And the marvellous rose became crimson, like the rose of the
eastern sky. Crimson was the girdle of petals, and crimson as a
ruby was the heart.

But the Nightingale's voice grew fainter, and her little wings
began to beat, and a film came over her eyes. Fainter and fainter
grew her song, and she felt something choking her in her throat.

Then she gave one last burst of music. The white Moon heard it,
and she forgot the dawn, and lingered on in the sky. The red rose
heard it, and it trembled all over with ecstasy, and opened its
petals to the cold morning air. Echo bore it to her purple cavern
in the hills, and woke the sleeping shepherds from their dreams.
It floated through the reeds of the river, and they carried its
message to the sea.

"Look, look!" cried the Tree, "the rose is finished now"; but the
Nightingale made no answer, for she was lying dead in the long
grass, with the thorn in her heart.

And at noon the Student opened his window and looked out.

"Why, what a wonderful piece of luck!" he cried; "here is a red
rose! I have never seen any rose like it in all my life. It is so
beautiful that I am sure it has a long Latin name"; and he leaned
down and plucked it.

Then he put on his hat, and ran up to the Professor's house with
the rose in his hand.

The daughter of the Professor was sitting in the doorway winding
blue silk on a reel, and her little dog was lying at her feet.

"You said that you would dance with me if I brought you a red
rose," cried the Student. "Here is the reddest rose in all the
world. You will wear it to-night next your heart, and as we dance
together it will tell you how I love you."

But the girl frowned.

"I am afraid it will not go with my dress," she answered; "and,
besides, the Chamberlain's nephew has sent me some real jewels, and
everybody knows that jewels cost far more than flowers."

"Well, upon my word, you are very ungrateful," said the Student
angrily; and he threw the rose into the street, where it fell into
the gutter, and a cart-wheel went over it.

"Ungrateful!" said the girl. "I tell you what, you are very rude;
and, after all, who are you? Only a Student. Why, I don't believe
you have even got silver buckles to your shoes as the Chamberlain's
nephew has"; and she got up from her chair and went into the house.

"What I a silly thing Love is," said the Student as he walked away.
"It is not half as useful as Logic, for it does not prove anything,
and it is always telling one of things that are not going to
happen, and making one believe things that are not true. In fact,
it is quite unpractical, and, as in this age to be practical is
everything, I shall go back to Philosophy and study Metaphysics."

So he returned to his room and pulled out a great dusty book, and
began to read.

Love , what does it mean to you?

2011-03-15T08:19:00.000-07:00

♥

A dream is a wish your heart makes ,

When you’re fast asleep .
In dreams you lose your heartaches .
Whatever you wish for, you keep .
Have faith in your dreams and someday ,
Your rainbow will come smiling through .
No matter how your heart is grieving ,
If you keep on believing ,
The dream that you wish will come true .

Aww you don't have friends ?

2011-03-09T08:01:00.000-08:00

♥

Her hair was up in a ponytail
Her favorite dress tied with a bow
Today was Daddy's Day at school
And she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school,
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees,
A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet
Children squirming impatently,
Anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called,
Each student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
For a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one"
Another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offened her,
As she smiled up at her mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.
"My daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing here alone.
Cause my daddy's always with me
Even though we are apart.
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart."
With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much,
He's my shining star.
And if he could he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.
You see he was a fireman
And died just this past year.
When airplanes hit the towers
And taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
It's like he never went away."
And then she closes her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they say before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy."
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far

- Unknown

I cried .

Why can't you see who's the people who really care ?

2011-03-01T07:51:00.000-08:00

♥

I think I need a reality check LOL .

Day Twelve : The Person You Hate The Most / Caused You A Lot Of Pain.

2011-02-26T07:15:00.000-08:00

♥

Firstly, Happy Birthday to 이치선 !! 생일 축하~ No, he's NOT a kpop person he's just a ordinary guy. So shut up. Anyways, confirmed my dnt product todayyyy ^^ So happyyyyyyyyyy. LOL siao. I think I'm spending too much time on dnt XD Nevermind. I'm gonna be done soon and I can concentrate on my other subjects~Yipee! No more sleepless nights :) Mayvis gonna come over tmrw to do our homework ~ LOL it's becoming a weekly thing. Stupid twitter isn't working. :/ And I think the rock scissor paper thing is getting overrated.

Piss off by my parents seriously. What's wrong with them? Hello, your bias-ness is so obvious that even the cashier can see that. Still want deny. I'm not asking much. Just something simple. Is that too much to ask? And no. No way am I taking that piece of crap. Getting ready to go out later~ ^^ Ad OMG got some stalker's e-mailing me about his/her hate for K-POP WTF? OO LOL no life much? And I realized that whenever people type a lot of !!!!!!! at the same time eventually it will become like this !!!!!!!1. XD I think I have no life too ):

So there isn't actually any person that I hate or anything silly like that but since today's topic thingy is about a person I hate I'll just write about the type of people I hate? And it's so obvious what the type is. LOL. Malzetov's a word :O

People who judge :

Go fuck yourself thanks. If not you can go bang a wall / jump off a building / cut yourself / stab yourself, etc. There's so much variety out there! And than after that you can go to hell :) kyethanksbye ^^ Love you!

Don't ever let go.

2011-02-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

♥

Guys. Bad day today uh. For both me and my sister. Feel so depressed and hurt now. Suddenly I miss Korea, where I could leave everything behind. Where people don't judge me. I miss Black bean. He was the nicest person I've ever met in the 16 years of my life. But what to do? We prolly won't ever meet again. Changes. Oh how I hate them. They always hurt. DBSK, Schools, Friends, Character, Personality. Always they hurt. Don't even get me started on this. It'll just go on and on and on and never stop.

Urgh, I said I'm not gonna post emo posts anymore, what am I doing now!!! But I feel so upset... I need to let it out somewhere laaaaa. Don't judge me. I don't like it. I hate it when people can't accept me for who I am. Especially my family and close friends. I know I have my flaws and I'm sorry if they offend anyone in any way. But that's what makes me, me. Why do you want me to change into someone else? Why should I? I'm sorry I can't be the person you want me to be. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Baby sis, you know I'll always be here no matter what. I'll never change. I'll always be your sister you can depend on. Because you're the reason why I stay strong. So that one day when you come to me, broken, I can be strong for the both of us. You know that right? I'm dense, I know that. There's just some stuff that I can never say it out loud. Never. And I'm sorry. Because it hurts me. And I don't wanna cry. I have to be strong for you. For us.

Believe in me. I won't ever stop being your sister. No matter what.

2011-02-16T07:21:00.000-08:00

♥

LOL I typed an essay for this post and the com shut down. Stupid. Now I needa to chiong my DNT so I shall update tmrw TT Hiaxx. I need to sort out my life man. SiJing! Hwaiting!

Words can't bring you down.

Day Eleven : A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To.

2011-02-12T02:02:00.000-08:00

♥

Haters gonna hate~ LOL. Seriously, can people just stop hating K-pop? It's as irritating as the fangirls. TSK. DON"T JUDGE LA. You have no right. SO shut up if you have nothing good to say and keep your opinions to yourself, cause NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK. Kyethanksbye.

XD Anyways, sorry bout the random line. Just frustrated about people who love to judge something they don't know. Who gave them the right anyway? TSK must stop it serious. Anyways, anyways, Valentines day on Monday! And I feel damn bad. Who the fuck created Valentines day?! You can go bang the wall now. I'm sorry la. Don't angry please? LOL I celebrate black Valentine with you okay? XD Ariel. I hurt you. I was wrong. I'm sorry. Forgive me? Walaoooooooooo. Kye, ignores. Woke up at like 6plus today XD Cause no one wake me up. Maybe going out with Mayvis tmrw and celebrating my awesome grandmama's bday (Y) Hehe, I promise I'm gonna celebrate your birthday with you for another hundred years! ^^ Love ya *less than three.* Shall do the dedication post tomorrow ^^ I have no idae why but I think my phone cannot receive message eh. Sho sad :( Stupid phone == And after a gazillion years I've decided to do the day challenge thingy. LOL I'M SO SORRY. After today I'm gonna just be left with ;

Day 12 - the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain.
Day 13 - someone you wish could forgive you.
Day 14 - someone you’ve drifted away from.
Day 15 - the person you miss the most.
Day 16 - someone that’s not in your state/country.
Day 17 - someone from your childhood.
Day 18 - the person that you wish you could be.
Day 19 - someone that pesters your mind—good or bad.
Day 20 - the one that broke your heart the hardest.
Day 21 - someone you judged by their first impression.
Day 22 - someone you want to give a second chance to.
Day 23 - the last person you kissed.
Day 24 - the person that gave you your favorite memory.
Day 25 - the person you know that is going through the worst of times.
Day 26 - the last person you made a pinky promise to.
Day 27 - the friendliest person you knew for only one day.
Day 28 - someone that changed your life.
Day 29 - the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to.
Day 30 - your reflection in the mirror.

I don't like the big letter Y. :/

“I just want them to hurry up and come back to TVXQ. Under the name of music, everything was great, but further promotions created a difference in values. Those values are personal problems, and I don’t want to go into anything long-winded on that. I just want them to be healthy. The only thing I can ask is for them to come back. The three have crossed the line and have gone too far for us to catch them. I just want them to solve the dispute with our company, and hurry up and come back. It was difficult. It hurt. I felt a sense of resentment against people. As opposed to hate, I was hurt. But I just accepted it all. Honestly, I didn’t have the time to harbor hate against anyone. In my darkest moments, I thought about TVXQ being forgotten. It’s true that we’re becoming more distant with those friends. We needed to solve this inner grudge but we hadn’t been in contact for such a long time, and as a leader of a group for 8 years, it hurt a lot. "

Sho sad :( See, K-pop isn't what you think. So don't judge, aiyo. Anyways,

Godmummy, Goddaddy :

How's life? LOL. Sorry. I miss you guys so much. I have so much to tell you guys. But how? You're not here anymore. There's no one to turn to anymore. But we all have to move on don't we? That's what you always say. I hate it when people refer you as "not with us anymore." Pussies. Why can't they just say they've died. It makes it seemed more real, not fucking fakers who pretend to be sad. Sorry. Anyways, life's great! I've got a Valentine~ And it's not L again haha! Wish I could tell you what happened. Wish we could run around the house and decide what to wear, like old times ^^ Wish you could help me sneak out of the house and hiding from mummy. LOL. But we can't anymore. It hurts. School's been an ass. So much work to do especially DNT. But being busy is good, no? At least there's something to DO. LOL I'm just crapping. But you know me. I wish you were here. With me.

Don't say it's only just a dream. Say it's not just a dream.

2011-02-06T01:54:00.000-08:00

♥

I'm going back to the heavens,

When the sun rises.

I will hold dew in my hands,

and return to the heavens.

I'm going back to the heavens.

We'll play together as the sun sets

And points at the clouds.

I'm going back to the heavens..

When my excursion to this world is over,

I will go back and say, "It was beautiful."

Your words pierced right through me. And it hurts. Alot.

2011-01-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

♥

Missed school today AGAIN. Tsk. When.can.I.go.back.to.school.you.stupid.overreacting.doctor. I swear. Seriously! Gawd this is so annoying. On A brighter note : I just realized that I can change the settings of this computer and make the mouse arrow multiply by moving the mouse! How cool is that! ^^ And Aaron's making me a card^^ Hehe so nice right XD

Been rotting at home with no idea of how to do my DNT and physics homework. WTH is electrostatic or whatever you call it? Die you irritating chapter die! There's gonna be so freaking much things to catch up on when I go back to school *sad face* And on top of that I'm gonna miss Literature lessons of the week *sad face again* And why does blogger keep changing the font and color of my post?!

Nah, I'm gonna go take a look at my physics again before bed I guess. I'm sleeping too much *frowny face* I'm getting fat! And the bad thing is the stupid doctor refuses to let me have my daily dose of adrenaline. Tsk. No wonder I'm so grumpy when I'm sick. I should prolly be sleeping right now but I can't. Try forcing yourself to sleep for the whole afternoon and night. It's hell XD Sorry to rub it in for those who have not enough sleep 8D So! Shall go to arrange make-up lessons when I go back to school with my teachers. Hopefully they'll be nice enough to help me out. Or else I can go kill myself. Nights people! Go to sleep!

I bet you don't care at all right?

2011-01-22T01:37:00.000-08:00

♥

I hate being sick. There's nothing to do and those medication makes me all drowsy and doesn't work. And I can't even think straight now. I have no idea what I'm doing and all I want to do is sleep. I hate sleeping all day. It's a waste of time. There's so many more things out there I could do. Being sick makes me feel weak. Not having strength to even climb out of bed to get to chemistry clinic. Weirdly enough, I miss going to school. I miss my friends. I'm missing so much of school. Three days already. O level year some more. I wanna do something else besides laying in bed but I can't find the strength to do it. Oh, how I hate being sick.

May not be able to go to school on monday too:( Doctor says that if my fever isn't gone by tomorrow, I'll have to go to the hospital. Turns out I've been running a temperature since tuesday. No wonder I couldn't concentrate in class. Nah it's okay though, I bet no one even noticed that I was missing anyway. Except Ariel^^ I'm feeling freaking tired now, so I'm gonna stop blogging and go to sleep like I'm suppose to:( Nights~

Zhe me ban? Wo hao xi huan ni.

2011-01-21T08:17:00.000-08:00

♥

(ignore the background photo><)

Heyy Chi Seon! Remember the wish we made*points above* that time before I left Busan? ^^ Let's make it come true! XD

I'm sorry I loved you.

2011-01-16T07:21:00.000-08:00

♥

I know we'll never be the same again. I miss how we were. I really do. But what's the point? No matter how much tears I cried, no matter how much I use my 11:11 on us, we won't be the same again. I miss you. I miss us.

Someone once asked me : Why do you hate smokers?

My answer? I don't hate smokers. I hate that stupid stick smokers are addicted to. Why? Because it took away something important to me.

I hate smoke seriously. Was freaking frustrated today by the stupid upstairs neighbor, which so happens to be? Fill in the blanks yourself. Stupid guy threw his cigaratte butt down and guess where it landed? Onto my freaking back when I was bathing. So guess what? Now other than a patch of friction burns on my back there's an addition of a red burnt mark there. If it wasn't for your mum, I swear I'll sue you. And why the hell would you aim it into my bathroom?! IT'S FREAKING NOT FUNNY ALRIGHT. ASSHOLE. Tsk I doubt the mark will even go off :(

And I couldn't even enjoy my favorite time of the day! Had to go to the doctors' cause of the smoke and the burnt mark. >:/ Fuck you seriously. Get a life. You own me. BIG TIME.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Cheer up!

2011-01-15T03:22:00.000-08:00

♥

{Silver Rain}

Tell me how many beads there are

In a silver chain

Of evening rain,

Unravelled from the tumbling main...

~Thomas Lovell Beddoes

Heyy giaz~ LOL idk why but I sorta like using giaz instead of guys nowadays. It sounds more dramatic(?) Just like how I prefer using eu instead of you ^^ Anyways, yesterday was totally unproductive. Was gonna go study maths with Malcolm and ended up getting caught in the rain with Ariel and was drenched from head to toe. MY HOMEWORK TOTALLY RUINED LA. T.T Kinda sick now:( Anyways didn't learn much from Mal cause he had this meeting and yeah. Went for the dreadfully long PTM and was bored to almost-death. After that went to airport with Kai and Martein which was a total waste of time cause found nothing useful for DNT :( Shags ttm.

And, NO I am not addicted to K-pop anymore. I swear! I just still like the songs that's all. Really! Anyways, I'm suppose to be studying right now but... And I'm tired! I just woke up cause my body clock's still fucked up. Anyways, gonna go do my physics notes, chemistry notes and DNT later. I promise! Kinda craving for Ben's and Jerry's now :/ Anyone kind enough? LOLOL. Kye I'm just bored and not-in-the-mood-forstudying right now. Howwwww? Tsk. Oya! Maybe gonna head out with Kai and Martein tmrw again for the stupid dnt. :( And my printer spoil :( FML. LOL I'm just totally rambling about random stuff right now. Ignore me.

Cause baby you make me cry, yeah.

2011-01-14T09:40:00.001-08:00

♥

"처음 사랑하는 연인들을 위해(부제 반말송)"

"For Couples Loving For The First Time. (Banmal Song)"

맨처음 너를 보던 날

수줍기만 하던 너의 맑은 미소도

오늘이 지나면 가까워 질거야

매일 설레는 기대를 해

무슨 말을 건네 볼까

어떻게 하면 네가 웃어줄까

손을 건네보다 어색해질까봐

멋쩍은 웃음만 웃어봐

우리 서로 반말하는 사이가 되기를

아직 조금 서투르고 어색한데도

고마워요 라는 말투 대신

좀 더 친하게 말을 해줄래

우리 서로 반말하는 사이가 될거야

한걸음씩 천천히 다가와

이젠 내 두눈을 바라보며 말을 해줄래

널 사랑해

너와의 손을 잡던날

심장이 멈춘듯한 기분들에

무슨말 했는지 기억조차 안나

마냥 설레는 기분인걸

우리 서로 반말하는 사이가 되기를

아직 조금 서투르고 어색한데도

고마워요 라는 말투 대신

좀 더 친하게 말을 해줄래

우리 서로 반말하는 사이가 될거야

한걸음씩 천천히 다가와

이젠 내 두눈을 바라보며 말을 해줄래

널 사랑해

우리 서로 사랑하는 사이가 되기를

잡은 두손 영원히 놓지 않을꺼야

바라보는 너의 눈빛속에

행복한 미소만 있길 바래

우리 서로 사랑하는 사이가 될꺼야

아껴주고 편히 기대면 되

너를 보는 나의 두 눈빛이

말하고 있어

널 사랑해

Heyy!

Just thought I'd post this up! Love this song~So sweet please^^ And I bet you gaiz don't remember but I said I'll post my birthday wish last year on the first day of 2011 but I forgotten it till today! XD

I wished to spend my birthday with you guys again next year so that I can make another wish to spend the next birthday with all of you again. And again. And again.
I want to always spend my special day with the special people in my life.

Tadaaaaaaaa. So sweet right? Hehe don't cry la. You know I love you giaz! Less than 3!

Break my heart. Get it over and done with. It's easier that way.

2011-01-13T09:25:00.001-08:00

True friendship comes when the silence between people is comfortable.

2011-01-11T12:04:00.001-08:00

The rooftop.

You think it's such a cliché, with the setting sun painting the sky red and purple and making your shadow look like a different person. You try raising your hand to see if the grey shape on the ground mimicks you, kind of half-convinced it could run away at any moment.

"We look good together, right?"

He smiles and points to what you were already looking at. You blink once, twice and nod slowly. You really do look good. Cliché, you think again. It's like a scene from a movie, two star-crossed lovers escaping the world and fleeing to the skies. Except that you're not star-crossed, you're almost ordinary people in an almost out of the ordinary situation. You can't lift your feet off the ground because the stares of thousands and thousands of people weigh you down until you have to stop to catch your breath.

He lets go of your hand and walks over to the fence separating you from tragedy. You can't see his face, but you know he's just as tired as you are. For a split second it feels like the tightly wound metal links might give in and take what really matters away from you. Nothing happens and you can relax your tensed muscles.

You sit next to him but he remains standing, like a hero after a fight against the invisible. He opens his mouth to say something, but just lets out a sigh and smiles again. Something about his expression isn't right. The light in his eyes isn't the same as usual and suddenly you realize it's dark all around you. The first stars are faint, yet another soul watching you, watching over you?

"It's not like we can do this, you know... forever."

You're not sure which one of you said it, but you cover your mouth with your hand and close your eyes to prevent the wave of nausea from washing you away. The last streaks of burning red sky are etched in the back of your mind and they're all you can see, but you can hear his breath catch in his throat, forming words you can't quite understand. Such a cliché.

You feel so unreal, like the movie you're in is incomplete, unfinished, and the audience doesn't know when to get up and applaud. The concrete under you is caving in and drowning you, but when you reach out and look around searching for help, you're alone.

There's no one there to hear you speak, but you wish your words could reach the spectators on the streets somewhere beneath you and maybe save your world from shattering.

"I know."

I swear! I WAS doing DNT ^^

2011-01-11T08:54:00.000-08:00

♥

The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.

Thank you DNT, I really really love you for depriving me of my sleep. WTH la was doing DNT halfway than my sister came home crying. Guess what? So I abandoned my Word Trigger(which is so super chio btw) and listened to her talk and cry and talk and cry somemore. Felt terrible seeing her like that. Stupid guy. I'll break your face if I ever see you again. And I'll start by kicking your ass in Os. So yeah, chionging my DNT now. It's just me, my sketchbook and my markers. Good times. Good times. Oh yeah before I forget, thanks Malcolm for agreeing to help out with my maths ^^

I'm hungry. TT

Worn out.

This time will pass again, and the wrong things I've done, I will just laugh it off. Get over it. It's okay even if my body is tired. But if only when time passes, when the pain becomes a distance memory, you could return to me with that kind of heart and love me again. I'm not the only one that's tired, it happens to everyone. But if my heart is closed or broken, or hurt by a scar it can't handle, I don't and won't know what to do then. I might not be able to know what's love again. But even in the hardest of days frozen in time, you continue to brighten the light on my exhausted self. Endlessly, you continue to shine, the light on me brighter, stronger. So that whenever the lights go on again, no matter how worn out I am, it makes me rise again. When the lights shine on me and wakes me up once more, it moves my heart again and again. Lights go on again.

Baby girl,加油.

2011-01-09T01:25:00.000-08:00

♥

So! I've finally found time to blogggggggg~ Gonna go out soon to celebrate my daddy's birthday! I haven't got him anything yet though. Tsk. Idk what to get for a 40+ year old man sia. Shaver? Tie? All I know is that he needs a wardrobe change. Seriously. && remember when I said I wanted to get over K-pop? Heh. I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon. And it's distracting me laaaaa. Irritating. And it doesn't help when your sister spazzes about k-pop when you're doing your science notes ==.

Common tests are coming soon. Have to study, study, study! Jiayous! Awww my tuition teacher leaving soon lehh :( *cries* No more changing tuition dates and disturbing him:( No more studying together:( No more staring without listening :( No more 6hrs of maths:( *cries and runs away* I don't wannnnnnnnn T.T hmph. Shags ttm sia. How can he leave me during O level year? So evil! Don't like you la! But on the bright side, maybe the brother teaching me. Keyword : MAYBE. Or maybe I can go fail all my subjects. Hiaxx. But the brother only like one/two year older than me sia. LOL my tuition teacher say if I fail my Os because of his brother he yang wo. Joke sia that guy. So overall, I'm shag and looking for someone to teach me all my subjects. Which is impossible at this point of time. Anyone kind enough to teach me? LOL.

Ohyeah and I need someone to teach me the frequency curve graph(?) or something like that to me. Carnie say she help me ask ChuanYing(?) till now... Tsk. Was I wrong to think that 2011 would be a better year? Tsk. Hello SiJing, it's only the 9th day of the year please! Don't judge 2011 hor! LOL I'm crazy. Anyways, considering going to Mayvis there the tuition? Idk la. See how. Or I can depend on myself lo. Maybe I should ask Malcolm? Dunwannnnnnnnnnnnnn, so weird! LOL. Conclusion : See how.

Edit : Damn! My sister's using my twitter to stalk K-pop people DX WTH. Go get an account yourself!

Don't cry.

A New Year, A New Beginning

2011-01-02T03:34:00.000-08:00

♥

Finally, 2010 is over! * confetties* I'm so glad. Seriously. Finally all the drama and drama and did I mention drama? Are over! I'm thrilled! Overjoyed! *throws in big words describing happiness* Anyways, not that I'm particularly looking forward to 2011 since there's the Os and also the last year I'd get to be with my friends but still. I really really hope it'd be a better year. So to start of the year here's my New Year's Resolution!

♥ I hadn't really been studying my hardest these few years so in 2011 I'm gonna study harder than ever!

♥ To be nicer to people.

♥ Learn to let go of the past!

♥ To jog every morning.

♥ To appreciate people more.

♥ To prevent drama from interfering with my studies.

♥ Use less computer (even though it's kinda impossible unless I throw away the modum or something.)

♥ Study / Revise at least an hour per day.

♥ Learn Korean!

♥ Learn the drums!

♥ Stop giving up half-way.

♥ Travel more.

♥ Read more.

♥ Find my passion.

♥ Make more friends I can relate to!

♥ Eat healthier. Meaning no chocolate:( (that often).

♥ Stop playing around and focus on the more important things.

♥ Get rid of commitment issues. LOL.

♥ No boyfriends!

♥ Stop changing tuition timings (My teacher made me promise him on New Year day.)

♥ Lie as less as possible.

♥ Actually do my homework!

♥ Do notes for EVERY subject^^

♥ Get into a good JC and University afterwards!

♥ Stop complaining over little stuff.

♥ Full concentration in classes.

♥ No slacking.

♥ No sleeping in class. Except maybe SS.

♥ Bet rid of distractions.

♥ Smile everyday, even if nothing's right.

♥ Love life. It's beautiful.

♥ No more emo posts! Only meaningful quotes~

♥ Save up.

♥ Donate to charity.

♥ Wardrobe change!!

♥ More heels!

♥ Take up a sport (?)

♥ Get a job (?)

♥ Be less obsessive about K-Pop. (?)

♥ Stop drinking (?)

Most Importantly,

♥ Stop existing and start living.

Poem time!

This time it's "Should This Life Sometimes Deceive You" by Alexander Pushkin.

Should this life sometimes deceive you,

Don't be sad nor mad at it.

All is fleeting, all will go;

What is gone will then be pleasant.

I really really hope I can at least achieve more than half of my resolutions. Especially the studying part. So what's your resolutions? Haha! Whatever it is do your best to achieve it alright? ^^ Hwaiting! And and my mum sad if I do well for my Os she'd sponsor me to go to Paris! Shopping and all! My drive alright! Haha! I'll update on Korea and Korea and the day challenge soon. *urhem* Everyone, be happy!

From today on, I'm gonna forget all that's ever happened and start over again.

2010-12-29T10:58:00.000-08:00

♥

Hey guys been so long since I last updated right! LOL, I lazy la~ Forgive me? Haha and I was thinking if I should make my blog private cause when I reread my posts they seemed kinda... you know what I mean, but I can't. I hope people who actually read my blog don't think bad of me kye? Cause honestly my blog's the only way to get my message across to some people. Anyways, I hope if it's possible don't continue reading this post unless you're the person I'm referring to below; C,L and P. Cause it gets kinda personal. I'm gonna delete the last one once I get my message across so bear with it please^^ Thanks a bunch.

♕ C, if you're reading this.

Heyy, don't worry about anything okay? I'm fine, you're fine, everyone's happy, end of story.^^ Please don't make this any harder. Alright? Honestly, I just wish that we could just stop talking about it and go back to the way it was. What you're doing...it's hurting me more. I'll get over it, just not so soon. Anyways don't feel guilty or anything alright? It happened before. Just promise we turn back to how we were okay? Thank you. For everything^^ You're the nicest person I've ever met. I swear. Don't continue reading. Just read this part for you.

♕ L, if you're reading this.

Are you alright? You know you can tell me anything. I promise. Just remember that I know what you're feeling. I've been through it remember? It ain't that hard as long as there's someone there for you. Don't say you have no one. It hurts me when you say that. I'm here. I'll always be here. It'll be like old times eh? Just that the roles are reversed now^^ Just take it as repayment for everything you've done for me~ Smile. Cause tomorrow will be a better day.^^

Being thrown away isn't something anyone would wanna remember.

2010-12-29T06:14:00.000-08:00

♥

Love, the feelings I have when I’m around the person, the excitement, the memories, the words, the laughter, the joy, the arguments, the sadness. That is my love. And you asked me the other day whether or not I love you. My answer is yes, I do.

2010-12-23T11:26:00.000-08:00

I've been shown hope. I've seen it in your eyes, when you told me everything's gonna be alright.

2010-12-17T09:18:00.000-08:00

♥

It feels like I've been dreaming for a long time
I've wandered and wandered around for a while
As if we made a promise
Standing here in front of each other like that day from four seasons ago
They're all coming back to me now and I don't think my heart can take it
I've even restrained myself at the thought of you
How has your one year been?

How are you? It's been a year. Surprised right! I was when mummy told me. Gonna see you soon. Wonder why you haven't reach. Where are you? I'm like waiting for you to check in together! Mummy said my ticket's with you. Which means you arrived before me. So where are you? I can't contact you, my phone's not working! Ahhh what if we missed the flight?? Oh god. Come now, palli! The rest have already checked in! Tsk luckily I borrowed my aunt's laptop or I would have been bored to death. Gonna be on a flight together for 5hrs. I'm nervous, excited. Are you? It's been so long. Though we talk and stuff on msn and facebook but I haven't seen you in a while. You know how I am. I hope you'd understand. See you. Leon.

I missed you. Did you miss me?

FML. Missed the flight to Malaysia. Now I stuck in Changi Airport till 0835 to catch the next flight to Incheon. That's right. I'm not going to malaysia anymore. Instead I heading over to Korea with Leon only till our family come on the 20th. FML. Awkward leh. Luckily Leon''s cousin stay in Korea. Or else I'm guessing we have to stay in some cheap place before our parents come. Well, at least I got my wish. I wanted more time in Korea! AND FUCK FUCK I DROPPED AND BROKE MY CAMERA. NOW I CAN'T TAKE ANY PICTURES CAUSE I LEFT MY IPOD AT HOME. FUCKMYLIFE. OFFICIALLY. What the hell was my mum thinking?! Why do I have to go alone with Leon?? URGH. If they have fun in Malaysia Ima gonna kill them. Dying here...someone save me :( Hiaxx. I shall sleep now. IN THE AIRPORT. URGH. Ciao.

Why won't you look into my eyes when we talk?

It was the silence we learned to love as we grew up, the silence that spoke more than words could ever. The warmth between our bodies gave us that assuring feeling that no matter what has happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, everything will be alright. Your presence, it comforts me. It always has. Thank you for everything. When we grew up together, when we were seperated because of our schools, when you contacted my after 8years, when we met again on your birthday, when we became close again like how we were, when we began to drift again, when we met again after a year. There's just so much things we could relate to. You were like the brother my parents refuse to have. You mean more than the world to me. How can I forget that? How can I forget us? I'm confused now. Really confused. Give me time. I can't promise the answer would be the one you wanted but it's better than nothing right? Please don't leave again like before. I need you. I really do.

Thanks for being there when he wasn't.

2010-12-16T02:37:00.000-08:00

He walked through the door a tear in his eye

He lifted his sleeve and wiped it dry

He took a deep breath and stepped into the room

He closed his eyes he saw the gloom

She was there so very quiet and still

She seemed as though she was never ill

He slowly walked closer to her

The few weeks before became a blur

He reached out for her small white hand

Held it tight but could not understand

He took his ring placed it on her chain

Took his sleeve and wiped his eyes again

He slowly sat on the small white chair

Put out his hand and touched her hair

So perfect and blonde so long and neat

Without you I am incomplete

He whispered, I love you in her ear

Although you're gone you're always here

And at that moment his hand moved from her hair

To his heart you're always there

He slowly stood up and again took her hand

Things were clear he could now understand

Even if she wasn't there with him

Inside his heart could never be dim

He placed her hand down by her side

Her imprint she left so deep inside

For the last time he softly kissed her

Still her body did not stir

He turned to walk toward the door

Then turned back to look once more

Her new small ring shone in the light

He closed the door she had lost her fight

And as surely as he said that day

In his heart she will always stay.

2010-12-16T02:13:00.000-08:00

♥

What good are tears?
They will not bring you
Back to me.
Alone in my unhappiness
I cry.
I'm such a fool.
Tears have never
Eased my pain before.
Why should they now?
-B. V. Dahlen

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.

It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.

It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give.

And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.

- Bette Midler

What am I to you?

2010-12-15T09:47:00.000-08:00

♥

Life is worth living
Your smile won't go away
Everything is perfect
In every single way
You know what your feeling
And you look up above
Everything is beautiful
Because your in love

Who are we kidding? Love isn't all flowers and all that jazz. Face it.

Love is nothing but a game just meant to be played, hearts beating like a ticking grenade. Dominated by cheaters, rule-breakers, and players where three words often said are spoken by haters. Love is an emotion as deep as an ocean. Where two people test their faith and devotion. Love is prepetual happiness on pause, a perfection that brings out your flaws. Young ones are swayed to believe it's real. It's inevitable tragedy, like drunks behind the wheel. Love at first sight is simply sex appeal, they say love is blind because it's what you feel. Love is a wish, desired by loners. Love is a sight shown off by it's owners. Love is a drug, addictive and strong, we're merely puppets that are strung along. The endings are painful, but it's only a start to end again with lies and tears and another broken heart...

Who was I to think that you would actually like me back? Stupid girl.

Reasons why I love KPOP ^^

2010-12-06T06:44:00.000-08:00

♥

Beast^^

JunHyung

♥

U-Kiss

SooHyun

♥

SHINee

Minho

♥

2PM

Chansung

♥

2AM

Seulong

♥

FT Island

SeungHyung

♥

SuJu(I hate to say this but...)

Leeteuk

♥

MBLAQ

Mir

So hot yeah? ♥ Ariel is so gonna agree with me. Idc. LOL. This is what I mean by "I have commitment issues." LOL. So after like a million years I decided to do the day day challenge. Haha I have been watching WGM, We Got Married Season 2, which is so freaking awesome. So nice leh. LOL Teng, this is the reason why I wanna get married. For those who don't know what is it and is not gonna bother checking it out, it's like a variety programme that makes Korean singers get "married." Like a fake marriage. Suer cute I swear~ JoKwon and Ga-In! Ahhhhh. Ohyeah, sad to announce but my phone's been confiscated. AGAIN. .___. I should die right now. Anyways, the day day thingy. Took some time looking for the post and finally found it! And I promise I will update on Korea soon^^

Day Eleven : A deceased person you wish you could talk to.

Firstly, I miss you so freaking much. I wanna see you again. I wanna hug you and tell you how's life in school. I want your warm embrace. But...life's never perfect. Godmama are you doing well? I wonder how's heaven like? School's over for now. My results are abit disappointing but I guess I didn't work hard enough. Jerry's doing great! He still hates the jerry nickname though. Haha! Remember how we used to make fun of him? He's still childish despite being so much older than me. Now that I think about it, my life was almost perfect when you were still here. After you left things start to fall apart. The whole Leon and Calvin issue. The family stuff. All those troubles I told you about started to become worse when you left. It's like you were a peace maker or something. You were my pillar of support. You taught me how to open my heart. Because I was never the type to show what I feel. You showed me how to let go of my pride. I'm so thankful. But you left and I forgot how to. Now that you left, my life, I need to find another pillar to keep it from falling apart. I wish you were here, with me. Jerry wishes it too. He missed you so much. It was so hard for him you know. But it's all good now. For him. It'll be so for me soon. rest in peace okayy? Maybe after I'm done, I would be able to see you again. Just maybe. I love you godmama. More than you know.

2010-12-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

♥

Heyy, I know I know. I should be updating the Korea thingyy. But super lazy la~ Next time okayy? ^^ Have been sleeping so late nowadays. Like around 3+, 4. WTF right? I wanna sleep earlier but cannot. For some reasons cannot fall asleep sia. I think I got problem. Must go see doctor LOL. Walao, did the ABC thing just now but cannot post._. Irritating ttm. Soooo infatuated with 2PM recently, idk why. Junho is so super cute I swear~ ^^ I got commitments problems. I can't stay with one thing for long. No wonder. But I still feel like getting married leh. LOL I seriously think I got problem. Must be cause of the fall of the day. EPIC. Haha so I have been putting this off but since I have nothing to do I might as well do something about this idea. I've been wanting to do a like description(?) of myself. Sort of like a intro maybe? Idk la. Don't judge me please! :D

Me.

Myself

And I.

I'm not a perfect person. I have flaws that are obvious and flaws that I try to hide. I mess up alot. My hair doesn't always go the way I want it to. I lie. I have a bad temper. I have no talents. I can't stay commited. There's so much more. Honestly, I'm not proud of myself. I don't see myself as a person worthy of what I have now. I don't deserve them. Though I'm glad that I actually have them. My life isn't perfect either. Issues. Family issues are the worst. I'm not the daughter my parents want me to be either. I drink. I disrespect them. I'm bad at my studies. I have no goal in life. I can never do anything right. Never once in my life have I ever achieve something for my parents to be proud of. Never. See how bad I screwed up my life? I'm sorry for being me. I feel sorry for myself. I wanna change. But I don't know why I can't find that spark, that motivation to change. I keep telling myself that I wanna change, I wanna change. But actions speaks louder than words. This is how my life is like. But, for some reasons I'm happy. I'm contented with what I have. Even if parts of me isn't perfect and I hate those parts. I smile everyday. I laugh everyday. I fall everyday. But I'm happy. Why? Cause some people at the other part of the world are suffering. Because I'm lucky.

LOL THIS IS SO RANDOM THAT I WANNA KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW. And since I wasted my time doing this I'm gonna post it. IDC. Again, DON'T JUDGE ME CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

Lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GILLIAN:DD

Conspiracy. This is all just a conspiracy.

2010-11-25T07:24:00.001-08:00

♥

Oh GOD. I love SHINee. This song COMPLETELY summaries what I'm going through right now. The facebook part LOL. This song made me smile. Thank you SHINee^^.

Heyy I know I should be doing Day 4 of the Korea trip right now. But I'm too troubled right now. Feeling damn frustrated now. Urgh. I have no idea a person could feel this way. FUCK LA. AHHHHHHHHHHH I FEEL LIKE KILLING MYSELF NOW. I hate suspense. I hate not knowing. I hate being kept in the dark. I hate this shit. I hate being so far away. I hate what I'm feeling. I shouldn't be feeling this way. FUCK YOU HEART. STOP THIS NONSENSE RIGHT NOW. I'm gonna go crazy soon I swear. Must stop it sia. @$!@~$#%^%&. I wanna go to _____ now. I wanna know what's going go. URGH FUCK LA. AHHHHHHHHHH. Kye I now people reading this would prolly think that I'm crazy or something. But I need somewhere to release this fucked up thing on my chest. Sowiie^^ But sadly it's not working. F.U.C.K. I wanna see you again. Where the fuck are you? Can't you see I'm worried(you probably can't but still,) ? Get your freaking ass out here now you asshole. Fuck I'm crying. Fuck fuck fuck. Why are you having this much impact on me why why why? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FUCK YOU, YOU BASTARD. It's been so long since I felt like this. FUCK I DON"T WANNA FEEL THIS WAY. One fucking message is not good enough. Urgh I'm gonna kill you when I find you (not really.) Eesh. I'm not pms-ing guys. Urgh. It's late already where the fuck ae you?! You promised. YOU FUCKING PROMISED. Idk why do you have to do this to me. Does it make you happy to see me this way? Are you mental? Yeah you probably are. Idc you better appear now. Fuck I have a feeling I'm not gonna be able to fall asleep tonight. Fuck My Life. Seriously. Promises. Psst. What a joke. I should have known. I should have fucking known.

I hate what you could do to me. You made me smile like an idiot with just a message. What am I getting myself into? SiJing! You don't do ____ ________ relationships remember? Where did that idea ran to? Babo~!! Eesh. It's gonna be a world of hell from now on. Somehow, I'm still happy. What's wrong with me? ^^ Admit it heart. You're happy. Shouldn't that be enough? ^^

It's more nervousness than excitement.

Korea^^ Caution : The following is not for the faint-hearted.

2010-11-21T07:39:00.001-08:00

♥

Heyy guys~ Miss me? Hahaha. So like I'm back from Korea and it was AMAZING. Frankly speaking it was better than I imagined. Everything was great except for my buddy *rolls eyes and the weather. See the guy up there *points up. So cute right~!! He's mine so don't even think about it:D LOL, kidding!! Hahaha. He's my buddy's classmate and he was so awesome to me :DD Sadly he got girlfriend. His girlfriend pretty sia~!! She's like damn good to me too:DD Basically everyone in her class was better to me than my buddy :(. Shall elaborate later. There's so much photos(not really) and I lazy upload here. So if you wanna see can always go to facebook :DD Sorry in advance for any tenses/spelling error/grammer/vocab. You know how I am^^

Sidenote : They don't know what is facebook yknow!! Shock ttm.

Day -1

Went to the airport at like 6? Ate dinner with my parents, sister and my two cousins. Jeremy didn't come though D: Ohwell. Many people came to send us off:DD Gillian, Ariel, Malcolm, Carnie, KaiQuan, Martein, Fabian, JingAn, Huda, Shafiqah and loads more I can't really remember. Thanks guys~ Love you:DD Gillian~!! Though I was sitting withe the teachers on the plane :O Pinched Malcolm. Opps sorry manzxc:DD Hahaha. Checked in and the people out there waved like mad~ LOL-ed mad inside too. Hahahah. Went to shop abit inside the departure hall before boarding the plane. The checking in part was like usual and ShaoWei got caught cause his belt was made of metal. Haha. And I didn't sit with the teachers after all!! Haha poor Janice. She sandwich by Mrs Sum and Mr Koh. Sat with Teng and RuiQi:D Pictures on Facebook!! The 5hour plane ride was like *yawns. Nothing much to do and see. It was like at night and the view was just ... You know what I mean. Watched "Despicable Me" on the plane and was irritated ttm by the stupid announcements. Keep disturbing the movie!! But the move was awesomeee~ So cute I swear~ Hahah touching too ;D We're gonna steal... THE MOON. Ahhhhhh~ LOL. Sadly I didn't bring my phone along with me :( Missed it so much leh!! Slept for the rest of the journey except eating time, The food was horrible, I swear. It didn;t even tasted like egg. Urgh how can anyone ruin eggs?! WTF right? But ohwell, plane food was never good. Played hangman with Teng before alighting the plane.

Day 1

Arrived at Incheon Airport at around seven-ish in the morning. Went through all the checking out grabbing our luggages than checking in again stuff and wasted like almost an hour. Custom was like damn long la. And the man working there so not friendly. I smile at him he just look away what the hell lo:( After checking in we went to drink water and stuff like that before boarding the plane again. This Plane was much smaller than the previous cause it was like only an hour long. Sat with Teng, XinWei and Nizam, Ekka, Khairani behind us. Stupid Nizam keep dosturbing me >:/ Slept for awhile but the air stewardess keep disturbing us. Xinwei dulan. Hahaha. Damn funny. Reached there at about nine-ish and GOD IT WAS COLD. I'm not talking bout the normal cold sia. It's like seriously freezing. We need to wear uniform somemore. Can you imagine?! Urgh. Whoever's going korea, bring more jackets or you'll freeze I promise. Anyways was welcomed by our buddies and Teng and me was like saying "Good luck" to each other. Wanted to buy pre-paid cards but failed. They got 7-11 there!! Kye, random. Urmmm, so loaded up our luggages onto the bus which brought us the school. My buddy told me bout various stuff about Busan and well it was kinda cool~ Their school was right in front of the beach sia. Beach-School ftw~!! Hahaha. Their "playground" (which apparently was their field ) was huge I swear. I think it's like twice of ours. But their school is smaller than ours :DD Cosyy. The teachers told us that it'd be warm inside the school. So not the case. Ohya, random but they have mountains there!! Kye back to the topic. So yea it was still cold and I was like half running half falling on the way to the library cause we had to wear this weird thing over our shoes to keep the school clean. Their school is freaking clean I swear. So as you may have noticed I rarely mention Teng or XinWei or Nizam so far cause my buddy freaking like to pull me around which gave me nada chance to talk to them. Damn!! That also explains the falling part. So went to the library for briefing and welcome ceremory. Side note: The students there were like freaking curious and friendly:DD The like our fans like that sia. Stalk us everywhere. LOL. They like standing outside the library looking in and waving and smiling and shouting. Damn funny please. LOL Nizam~ "I know I famous but no need scream please." Whatever!! Some girls like JunHao and Isaac. Funny shit. Oh yeah, they say Nizam handsome also. Like wtf? LOL kidding Nizam!! Had food and watched a clip and a traditional dance by a girl from their school. Hahaha. Sat with Nizam during the performance and he was like her fake eyelashes dropping out. LOL-ed mad and got stares by Mrs Sum. Ate food a little cause I wasn't hungry and than went toilet with Teng. Talked bout their school and stuff like that before going back to face my buddy. Stayed in the library a little longer before going around to explore their school. Their school's quite nice though. They got a locker each sia!! Unfair right. Ohya and the each level got different uniform. Cool right? They have got a dance practice room, a play room and a hall. Went downstairs to the field and finally joined back with Teng. I swear I would die from the awkwardness between my buddy and me. I mean we talk and stuff but it's just short sentences with a word reply. Damn weird I swear. So went to the field which has sand instead of grass to watch a soccer match. They're good sia. Left for the library again without Teng T.T Meet Nizam on the way so we went walking walking and saw some guy disturbing Isaac. Funny shit. The guys was like saying some korea words and Isaac was like okay...I like your hair. Hahahaha LOL-ed mad. Than the guy come disturb me. Whatever sia. And my buddy chose to pangsei me at that time. Tsk. Left after trying to understand what the hell he was saying, and decided that I can't, for the library. After some confusing breifing by the Korea teacher, we left for the LG Science Hall. And it was freaking cool I swear. Damn big sia and damn high tech also. Got this weird tap tap card which has our info on it. Took a picture and it was registered into the card. Damn cool~ Went around with a guide and stuff and did many cool stuff and I lazy elaborate. After that left for the school again and waited for her mum to come fetch us. Her mum came and we left. She got dog sia! It was damn fierce at first and bit me but after a while okay already. Went for dinner. I like her mum sia! Better than her. She so nice lo. We talked alot alot. hahahahha. Ate Jajangmian for dinner and it was heavenly ~ Went to get a hot drink before heading home to change. Changed and left again to shop^^ Didn't really have much to buy so left with just cat food and socks :P Reached her house and went to bathe after packing some stuff. Lucky the water was warm or I would just die. Her brother came home when I was doing my reflection. Ariel, he's not handsome. He look like the sec 2 Kheng Yang. Urgh and everyone was telling me how handsome he was before I left school. But he's nice leh. Charming.Went to sleep at round 12plus when my hair dried.

Okay, I know this is getting wordy so sorry!! I lazy put photos~ And i don't expect anyone to read this it's just for me to read in future. hehehe. ~~Shall update more tomorrow cause I'm sleepy. Bye ~~~

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Another picture before you fall asleep :P She's YuJin~ Freakishly tall and super nice:DD

Day 2

Guess what? I woke up at 5.30 in the morning Korea time which means 4.30am SG time. Wohoo awesome right. Guess who woke me? Her dog. == It came barking like mad into the room and left me no choice but to wake up to wash up cause my buddy was still sound asleep despite the noise. Tsk, someone has to control that dog~!! She has a family of heavy sleepers. None of them woke up except her mother who was making breakfast. And guess what's worse? I had to wake my buddy up even though it was suppose to be the other way round. LOL but it was fun disturbing her hahaha~ Got dressed(real heavily as I didn't want to turn into a popsicle again. It was cold shit yesterday.) ate breakfast (bread, ham, egg(!!), milo) and left for school with my buddy and her brother and her mum. Mum drove us to school. I shall call her umma for easy access(?):DD So nice right:) Kye~ I'm back. So yeah. So drove us to school and sort of gave me a semi-hug, which was awkward fyi, and left. But she's nice and I like her^^ Saw Teng on the way to class so i tried to stick to her for awhile to ask her about her night but failed ttm. Didn't even finish my sentence before I was dragged half way down the corridor. Tsk. Wore the weird thing over my shoes again and headed to my buddy's locker to grab her school shoes. You see they have to change their shoes to keep the school clean. Weird but awesome:DD So went to her class half-heartedly cause like I was expecting her classmates to be like her but GOD, I was so wrong. Like once I step into the class, instant silence. I'm serious. It's like whoosh *silence than sudden explosion of noise. Don't believe go ask Nizam~ So went to find Nizam at the other end of the classroom and my buddy found out that she was suppose to get a table and a chair fir me but she forgotten. So she stole Nizam's (evil I know) and gave it to me. LOL in the end Nizam's buddy had to go get another set for him and was late for class. So bad right?! But she act as if nothing happened. WTF. [Sidenote : I may be ranting abit and typing stuff over and over again cause I'm getting carried away. Sorry if this gets boring ;P. Like I said It's just for my future reference. :D] So I was saying, after she gotten me the table and chair she proceeded to ignore me for the 10mins before lesson. Wandered around the class awhile and talked to Nizam before people actually start to approach us. Started talking to the guy *points above again cause he was sitting behind Nizam and he's so damn cute I swear. && his classmates make fun of his skin color cause he's darker. Urm weird much? LOL. They called him black bean. Super cute I know:D Apparently koreans like fair skinned people. Weird but true. So when I told them that he's handsome they stare at me like I some kind of idiot. Whatever~ So talked to him and some other guys started to join in and guess what? They started speaking korean to us. Super funny I swear. Me and Nizam were like nodding smiling and nodding somemore. Than they thought we understood. LOL. Koreans are cute man. Went exploring with Nizam and WE FOUND A MIRROR IN THEIR CLASSROOM :DD. So used it to cam-whore before we had to leave for a soccer match between our class and RuiQi and LiQian's class. Though I don't enjoy playing soccer, but I love the matches^^ Super exciting I swear. Like the ball keeps going near the goal than going in the other direction again. Scream-ed like nobody's business hehe. I have no idea how many times I sweared. LOL Nizam was damn high too. Keep making cuss words out of the chants. Super funny. Sadly the match ended in a draw >:/ We'll kick their ass next time :DD Soccer match ended headed back to class. Ohya, they have like this 15min break inbetween EVERY lesson which is 45mins. Awesome right? So headed back to class and cam-whored somemore with Nizam and some of the other classmates. This really pretty girl came and talked to me and we clicked like instantly:DD She super cute sia. Cam-whored with her too but sadly the photos with her and she don't have facebook D: Chatted with most of the guys and some of the girls which resulted in the above picture^^ She super high sia:DD Also got this guy call Minuk super cute and nice.^^ We talked and took pictures alot~ Pictures are with him==. Got to know many many people but the sad truth is that I can't remember any of their names ;p So hard lo~ But I can remember their faces:DD which is a major achievement considering the fact that the look almost the same (to most people.) Break ended and teacher cam in for maths lesson. OMG SUPER LOST. THEY CALCULATE TOA,CAH,SOH WITHOUT CALCULATOR. WTF right? Super amazed. Tried doing some but failed miserably. I think the teacher don't like me. Cause I totally gave up without my calculator. So people if you're going to korea bring a calculator along^^ After maths was english, I think. Woa the english teacher chio bodoh~ English lesson was hilarious I swear. They like learning primary school english and the teacher thought I don't understand. Funny shit. When she ask me the meaning of some idiom and I answer correctly her face was priceless. The students' one also. LOL-ed damn long. But it was fun la. At least I can understand. So before the lesson ended, the teacher wanted me and Nizam to do a short review of our visit so far. So was super nervous (I have this think for public speaking) and made Nizam say first while hitting him. Apparently, the students thought we were a couple cause I stick to Nizam all the time ;p super funny. Adding to the fire, when the teacher asked me who he thought was the prettiest in the class Nizam said me ^^ I know la *shy. LOL siao. In the end they forced him to chose another one and he chose the chio girl I mentioned somewhere in the sea of words up there. Woa I didn't know I could type that much. So when it's my turn I talked about the interesting culture blah blah all that clichéd stuff. And they get freaking hyper when I said who was the most handsome.(shall show you the photo afterwards^^) LOL I HAVE NO IDEA WHY TOO. So lesson ended and stayed in class for some photos with the people there. Got many photos taken but none is use my camera so in the end... And they don't have facebook which is the worst part. Got a class photo though:DD Gave our e-mail and phone numbers to the class. Left their classroom (sadly. I really liked their class T.T) for lunch at the canteen which was horrible fyi, before heading out for pottery lessons ^^ Slept all the way there, super tiring. Reached the bottom of the place and still have to climb up cause bus cannot go in. So walked up there with Teng (finally) the scenery is so super pretty I swear. So country-ish. I wanna retire to that kind of place :B So walk-ed and walk-ed and finally reached there after like 10mins? Ohya on the way there was this super adorable puppy~!! So cute I swear:DD Went into the pottery place there. Firstly, it isn't like a house or anything like that. It's just like a real old room with table and chairs. Got vintage feel yknow:DD The shi-fu is this old guy that has been making pots since god-knows-when. He's real awesome. We were suppose to make this cup out of clay but mine failed like hell so I decided to improvise and it turned out great~ I'm serious. Ask Teng. It was damn fun playing with the clay sia :DD But hands got real dirty.After making our "cups" we went to try the you know spinning thing that you're suppose to put clay on it than mold the shape. Damn cool la. XinWei tried first. LOL she got talent sia, unlike me. EPIC moment. You have to be there for it to be funny^^ Washed up afterwards and got a sovernier~ hehehe cause we can't get back our pottery till like next year :( Left the pottery place to head for THE WORLD'S LARGEST DEPARTMENT STORE : SHINSAEGAE. Freaking huge I swear. It's like the bigger version of ion. Damn chio also. Got so much stuff inside sia. But sadly all over-priced. Didn't buy a single thing T.T Went ice-skating first and it was a failure. I swear I would never ever ice-skate again. I mean come on! Who would if everytime you did you'd break something? Was trying so hard to learn from JinWan, JunHao's buddy and in the end fell down and hurt my back (make me feel old only ==) Can't turn or bend. WTF right? Tsk. Went for dinner after skating and damn epic. My buddy was like showing me the meun and ask me to chose when everything's in korean. She forgotten that I can't read Korean. LOL-ed mad with Teng and her. Funny sie. Dinner with all the girls. Ate CHEESE RICE CAKE. Awesome or what?! Super nice~ But was full even before I was halfway ;p Went for donut after awhile before going to shop with my buddy and Teng and stuff. Didn't buy anything in the end also. Was going to meet up with the rest of the girls but met the boys half way saying they were heading for the spa. Decided to tag along. Went sauna and stuff like that inside. Relaxing~ But was traumatized when we went into the women's shower room, right Teng? Urgh. Felt real bad cause my buddy didn't come and I didn't even know :( Actually frankly speaking, she's good in some ways la. Just not in the ways I like. Explored and stuff before hitching a ride from Liqian's buddy's father car. Home, bathe, reflection, chat, and went into my e-mail. (Forget to mention this yesterday so editting now^^) OMG my e-mail flooded. Guess what, with hate mail. I never thought I'd live to see this day. LOL. Some other class girls sent me hate mail in english which made me LOL-ed mad. English FAIL. I was like sitting on the couch laughing my ass off. Didn't know what to do so I just replied thank you to almost all the mail. Super funny. ^^ Slept afterwards.

LOL. Kye I know this is even longer than the previous one. But I tried making it shorter!! Day 3 will be up tomorrow^^

Happy reading LOL. Jiayou Jiayou~

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Another picture for the people who actually bothering reading^^ She's the one that likes Isaac. Idk why too. *shakes head

Day 3

Woke up early in the morning again cause I need to bath to actually be fully awake. So woke up at around 6? No one was up yet though. Went to bath and change and dry my hair before heading back to the room to pack for the day. Couldn't really bend much cause my back was still hurting so took me like a gazillion years to get things done. So packed and went to eat breakfast~ EGGS(!!) with ham and bread. :DD It's so western-ish. And they told us to cook Korean breakfast when they come. Tsk. Breakfast with buddy and brother was kinda awkward cause like both of them not even awake yet. Her brother fell asleep half way. Almost spit out the milo I was drinking, his face freaking funny. Tried to control which ended up badly cause I choked. What a way to start the day huh? LOL. I have no idea why but I wore like a tee over a long sleeved and my converse jacket without winter clothing even though I know it was gonna be cold. Which was a good thing cause Mrs Sum wanted me to stay in school instead of joining them for the Busan tour cause of my back. Haha I have psychic abilities~ Was kinda upset at first cause I was like the only Singaporean there and my buddy like not happy like that. And she pangsei me for the whole day seh. Wapiang so bad right? Elaborate more later on. So had no choice but to attend their classes. Followed my buddy to her class like yesterday but the stares along the corridor was doubled. Like seriously. Damn freaky. I wished Nizam was with me LOL. Entered her class alone cause she had some last min stuff and got some curious stares. Was feeling really lost and upset, when like this group of girls including*points above(both the girls above) came up to me and started talking to me :DD I can only like remember five of their names. Na-Young, Cho-Hee, Yu-Jin, Hae-Jin and Chae Ryung. I heart them so much~ They asked like loads of questions about why I was here and where was Nizam etc etc. Ohya the guys came to talk too^^ This group of guys from my buddy's brother's class came into our class and demanded(rudely. and to think our teachers emphasized on the value of respect) that I go to their class with them ==. LOL I didn't wanted to so I act blur. Hahaha. It worked lo:DD So instead they stayed in the class and asked even more guys to come in. Irritating sia. They keep trying to talk to me but fail cause their english cmi. In the end had to ask Nizam's buddy for translation. And I have no idea where my buddy was. >:/ So tried my best to entertain them (which turned out to be quite fun actually.) and chat and laughed alot(mostly due to the fact that I don't understand.) But the boys were awesome~ Some quite cute also :B Oh! And they ask me to rank like 4 guys in terms of looks excluding the one I mentioned yesterday in class. So first was the guy in the picture above called Chi Seon. Followed by Minuk (who was a really awesome guy with nice hair and everything but I didn't wanted to say he was most handsome cause he was being cocky. LOL.) and than a guy that looks like Justin(so I nick-named him Justin) and lastly the cute guy who smokes(he was suppose to not be last but he smokes so yea.) Their facial expression can kill I swear. Funny shit sia. Like as if they just saw an elephant wearing a tutu dancing ballet. LOL-ed like mad. The three was like saying "You disappointed. Disappointed. " Which made no sense at all. I'm guessing they wanted to say they were disappointed? LOL. Bell rang and headed to the music room with Chi Seon and Justin and they damn cute. Cause Nizam's buddy told them that I hurt my back that's why I didn't do to the tour so they made me take the lift(yes there's a lift in their school) up to the third floor. They keep disturbing me sia. Cause I don't understand Korean than they keep saying stuff in Korean on purpose while mentioning my name. Irritating but cute^^. Went to music room and yea their music room not like ours got air-con. It's just like a normal room with long tables joined together. There's also a tv and piano. Quite cool actually. Sat with a guy that looks like a hongkong actor whose name I can't remember and another guy who looks like Duah O.O my buddy in front==. Their music lesson is just like the teacher come in(they don't have to greet. Again, why is respect emphasized?), give out a piece of paper, they sing, and sing again, and again than watch themselves singing in a video and than SHINee MV^^ Not that I mind la~ But like so relax unlike ours. Must learn piano. Shiok or what sia. And they sing damn nice, I like~ LOL now I know where all the Kpop singers come from^^. CS wanted me to take the lift again but it was taking too long so in the end he tried to carry me down but fail. LOL damn cute I swear. After music was urmm, science? Yeah astronomy. The teacher was so BORING. I tried not to fall asleep, I really did~!! He just keep going on and on about some sun and earth and moon. And I don't even understand a word he's saying. I just know that he kept mentioning sun. Bored like fuck. Dozed off and almost fell off the chair. Lucky got someone pull me or cmf fall off. But idk who was it. The whole class LOL-ed mad. Embarrassed sia. Felt bad to the teacher also ;p The rest of science class was spent downstairs in the freezing wind waiting for their class to have their x-ray done. DAMN COOL I KNOW. So waited for Na-Young(who is apparently like my best friend there^^) and Chae-Ryung (my second best friend^^) and went inside for art class in the art room. The art room is pretty much like ours except it's smaller. Na-young and company was doing some eye poster(see picture in facebook) and I TRIED helping but urmm...this is why I take DNT^^. Was bored so in the end walked around the class to take pictures of the classmates. Their reaction when they see the camera is like from ._. to :D super cute la please. Walked around and snapping random photos got some unglams I didn't post cause like so bad(if it was Ariel's or Teng's I would definitely post :DD) Minuk entertained me through out the whole art class^^ LOL HE IS DAMN CUTE LA~ But AGAIN all the pictures with him is in his phone and he don't have facebook :( We cam-whored you know~~~ :(((((. Ohya got this guy that looks like JingHan gave me this paper aeroplane with some korean words written on it. It says "Please accept my heart."(Na-Young told me.) LOL-ed mad. So cute sia. If only Singapore guys are like that it'd be awesomee~ Kye random but I think I have Athazagoraphobia. Anyways many pictures in facebook go see~ I can't really remember much after Art so I'll just dump whatever I can remember out kye? I think it's recess or something. Yea it's recess. And THEY EAT IN CLASS SERIOUSLY. Like the push the food in a cart to outside the classroom and they serve to the students. So nice right~ Ohya my buddy finally appeared here. And she was pissed at me cause her classmates say she neglect me. Pst whatever. But I felt bad. Cause like everyone was on my side. So I apologized and poked her LOL. I guess it worked cause she help me take spoon^^. Lunch was horrible. First of all the soup taste like diluted seaweed. The meat taste like cardboard. The bun taste unidentify-able. The drink taste diluted. And the sauce. OMG the sauce for the rice was too spicy that it made me cry. No one bothered telling me. Thanks people. Than aeroplane boy came and gave me water^^ So nice lehh~ Hahaha. Singaporeans would never do that .__. I think I surprised them sia. They like crowd around me with big eyes. LOL I swear they look damn lost hahaha. So cute~ So lunch was totally ruined. Didn't eat in the end. Instead went to their hall with Na-young and company. Saw their rehersals for the school concert. THEY ARE AWESOME I SWEAR. They danced to Boom Boom Pow and When I Grow Up. Awestruck. Got this group of Year Two boys danced to Beast's Soom and Shock. WOW. I'm impressed. They are really talented. Hang around the hall for awhile which is smaller than ours by alot, till 10mins before the bell and headed back to class. Ohya their recess is an hour. WTF lo :( Random: Stupid facebook won't let me change my name:( Anyways, reached class and found out that Chae Ryung was looking for me. Felt damn guilty..D: Sorry!! LOL she thought I lost. hehe. So sat in my seat chatting with Na-young when like a few guys come and disrupt our girl talk(about guys in the class^^) So changed the subject to me leaving Busan:(( Awww they were sad lehh~ So touched^^ Bell rang and I guess it was History class? I wasn't really sure. Since I can't understand anything at all I decided to write post-its to the people who made an effort to talk to me:D Wrote like to more than half the class cause I told myself I would write to the faces I could recognized. LOL. Took my almost an hour to finish writing. Wrote half in like the whole history class and gave em' out during the 15min break. Their face brighten up when I give them leh~ Like from :) to :DD. So cute~ At the end of every post it was this sentence "Sorry I can't write your name:( I can't remember~" LOL. After they read that they came to tell me their name.==. This girl called, Se Yun force me to remember her name damn funny. Wrote the second half during this unknown class cause the laptop spoil and the teacher cannot conduct lesson. So did the post-it thingy with Minuk staring at what I was writing without understanding. So cute la~ So gave them out at the second half of the lesson. I'm glad to make people happy^^ So after I finished the post-its chatted with Chi Seon, Minuk and Na-young. I told them about the hate mail thingy LOL-ed mad. She said that it's cause of Minuk. I was lik =.- serious? Turns out he's popular in the school. Crazy obsessed girls. Had so much fun chatting with them. Especially Chi Seon. His english is really cmi. Than when he trying to express himself in english damn funny. In the end still use korean and Na-Young help him translate. Minuk also never good until where la~ LOL. Oh! And Minuk said he would come to my buddy's house at night to send me off the next day. Hehe cause he good friends with the brother. I was doubtful~ Minuk=Yadong King~ LOL(inside) So after the slacking lesson they had ACE. LOL didn't expect that. They got back their report cards~ haha my buddy's third in class~!! LOL. The class was freaking noisy, just like how it always is when we get back our results. Exact same. Huh. There's something similar after all. Made me miss 2e4, 3e5 only. Walked around again and got surrounded by the guys again. Chatted alot with them and it was hard cause all of them wanted to talk to me at the same time. Bell rang and well sadly I had to leave D; this time for real. Said bye to all the people in the class. It looked like Na-young was gonna cry yknow T.T Haha the guy that looked like Duah gave me a present^^ So nice~ Left after saying goodbye. My buddy had to clean up a part of the school so I waited for her outside the staff room. This guy ran past me and ran backwards to where I was. SO CUTE. (I know I've been mentioning how cute they were for like the nth time. Forgive me~) Haha, it was Chi Seon. He wanted a photo before I leave. Cause the photos we took we mostly with me or Nizam. So sort of kinda cam-whored while waiting for my buddy. Keke they like to cam-whore uh the guys there^^ Walked down to the entrance with him cause I can't find my buddy. Guess what, she was already half way out of school. ==. I think she forget about me seh. So was gonna ran after her but Na-Young and co saw me and wanted to take picture. So CS help us take and ran with me(I wasn't suppose to run cause of my back so guess what happened!) to find my buddy. Super epic. Shall not elaborate this part cause it got ugly.So walked home with my buddy. Yeah. Reached home at like 4plus? Was gonna go meet the rest at 6plus so had nothing to do till than. So used my ipod(thank god I brought it to korea) to go online. Chat with my cousin~ She got 11 alr leh~! Unfair. I wasn't even in SG~!! Kye back! So chatted and facebook-ed before changing and heading out for dinner with my buddy, brother and father. It was my first time meeting her father. He don't look like his children at all. Which made him quite not bad looking. LOL. So ate at The Outback which was western food. The father though I china WTF. The food was so freaking much. I could have killed myself eating everything. And guess what? There was kimchi. In a western restaurant. Go figure. LOL the father asked me if I was full. I said I was very full. The brother LOL-ed mad. Idk why alos but I LOL-ed with him. So the brother left after we ate and I went to the department store with my buddy to get the new Beast album^^ SHE FREAKING MADE ME RUN AROUND THE MALL DESPITE WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER. Asshole. Got what I wanted amd headed to Yun-Ha's(Isaac's buddy) house. His sister damn cute~ Played murderer there and celebrated Nizam's bday with a birthday cake smash~!! Freaking fun. Was damn hyper idk why~ Stupid Nizam got cake all over me. MY HAIR LEH BASTARD. :DD Cleaned up and played truth or dare. Hilarious. I kissed Khairani~ On the cheek la. Got other stupid dares too but I lazy luh. Sorry~ Teng didn't come though:( Left at round 11 plus. Reached home, slack around using wifi when her brither came home. With Minuk. Surprised like fuck. Cause I didn't expect him to really come. He sneaked in cause they didn't want the parents to find out. Failed cause within a min the father found out== Umma didnt find out yet. So he hid in this storeroom/wash clothes place. Idk what happened for awhile cause I was bathing. So after I bathed I went to the dining room to write my reflections cause my buddy was packing for Seoul. Minuk was still in the weird room. The brother sat with me while Minuk was hiding. Wanted to LOL but like scared the mother find out. You can imagine how funny it was luh. Brother told Minuk that the mother slept already so he came out half way when the mother came into the dining room and walk pass the room. She no reaction sia. I thought she didn't see at first till she said to the brother : How long is your friend gonna hide in there? Couldn't take it anymore. So I burst out laughing. Funny shit sia. Umma wasn't even angry~!! LOL Minuk and the brother (let's just call him oppa) embarrassed like hell. So he came out and apologized. I was laughing all the way. Umma left and Minuk came to sit beside me staring at what I was writing again. Damn cute sia. He keep disturbing me. LOL and he help me blow dry my hair while I was writing reflection. Nice or what~ Played with him and oppa for awhile before getting chased by umma to my buddy's room. Can't sleep so used facebook and chatted with my buddy who doesn't wanna let me sleep. Chat till like 3+. Talked somemore till my buddy fell asleep.

Kye, Day 3 end~!! Shall post Day 4 tomorrow. Sorry it's so wordy :(

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Chio right?!

Day 4

Heyy, so like I'm finally updating day 4 ^^ Woke up at freaking 6 in the morning and _______________________(you won't wanna know what happened here. Rather, I don't wanna say.) Freaked out and was gonna ran to the bathroom. But I fell on the way. Ouchy D; Hit my head on the bed support. So to avoid the situation I gathered my stuff and went to bathe. The water was nice^^ Was worrying bout the awkwardness after I finish bathing. Minuk fell asleep again on the sofa. Freaking relieve I swear. So packed my stuff into my luggage cause I was leaving for Seoul already. Finished at round 7 so had nothing to do for like half an hour. Stoned in the room for awhile till it got too cold for me and I had to go to the living room. Sat on the sofa (the other sofa) and used wifi. But it was early and no one was awake yet. So in conclusion I had nothing left to do. Walked around the house to get my last look of the place and finally falling asleep (with my wet hair!!) on the sofa. Only slept for like an hour the previous "night". Woke up when umma called me and went to eat breakfast. Unlike everyday, umma didn't wake oppa cause they have school at a later time cause of their country's "A level." and Busan didn't want any traffic conditions to cause the "A level" students from being late (depriving them of an excuse. evil bastards.) So ate breakfast with my buddy (can we just call her B from now on?) . Beef(!!) in the long long bread(you know? the delifrance one!!) AWESOME. Must ask my mum to make it too^^ BEEF IN THE MORNING FTW. So ate breakfast till like round 0745 and had nothing to do again cause B had to pack her stuff (again) and no one was awake to accompany me. Umma was doing god knows what. So just sat on the sofa again and morning-dream. Thought about so much things sia. I didn't avan know what the hell I was thinking about. It's just like random thought popping out of nowhere. LOL. Was like in a dazed. "Woke up" but was still like kinda blur. Minuk looked sad sia. I asked him why but I think he don't understand. hehe so cute la~ Awkwardness byebye~ Just sat there staring for like almost a minute before B was done and I had to leave. Minuk just got up and helped me with my luggage and stuff without saying anything. B told me that he's sad I'm leaving. Aww so sweet please~ The dog sad also yknow!! Haha. I miss them both so much now~ T.T Left when he said goodbye D; Umma drove us to school and well Mrs Sum was the first to find me when I got off the car. Thanked umma for everything before proceeding to listen to Mrs Sum. She wanted me to call my parents regarding the back thing so I called and talked to my parents for awhile before boarding the bus and headed for Seoul. Sidenote : Mrs Lee is actually a nice person~ She took such great care of me^^ I ♥ you Mrs Lee!! Anyways, slept on the bus all the way till we reached the pit-stop. Come on! I slept for only an hour last night! So went down to the toilet and explored the place. AND OMG FINALLY OVER THERE TALK GOT SMOKE COME OUT AHHHHH SUPER COOL I SWEAR. Was damn excited over it LOL. Bought ice-cream that Teng recommended and the ice-cream damn cool also~ Got the pop pop thing^^ Mr Lee damn lame. Keep asking us to stop smoking ==. He like to disturb me somemore. Cause I accident prone. Urgh. Laugh at others' misery only. Merong~ Went up the bus after like 10mins and head-ed for Seoul again. Ohya we're going to Everland~!! The biggest theme park in Korea. Slept again but it was so freaking noisy. And LOL xinwei. Funny sia~ Woke up when we reached Everland^^ Finally after like 5hrs. Was not really hyper though cause I just woke up and I have the tendency to be grumpy. So yeah. Took photos outside before heading in for lunch. * ahhhh I'm going out~ update when I'm back~!!

Day Ten : Someone You Don't Talk To As Much As You'd Like To.

2010-11-13T22:59:00.000-08:00

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Song : Peaches by New Heights.

I'm leaving for Korea soon. :DD Excited x157545877452 much~ I dunno leh. I don't feel that excited actually. I don't even feel like leaving my house now. Weirdo I know. I'm worried la~ Bout all the drama going on. I'm afraid that it would worsen when I'm gone. I hope not. There's no one to help me keep an eye on things. It's gonna get worse I know it. Tsk. I'm still 15 for fuck~ I should stop worrying. I really should. So my last post before leaving for Korea:DD Day Ten. Finally. Oh yeah, short note : See the long chunk of writing down there *points down. It's written by urhem yours truly with the help of my godbrother~ Awesome right I know:DD Just though I'd say it cause it might make more sense. Wrote it cause I was bored and I learnt the meaning of pious so yeah. Muahahaha. Random I know.

Someone :

Well, if there's anyone it'd be Yan Li. She's my primary school best friend. And I miss her loads. Haven been in contact since we graduated. Heyy, why didn't you show out on any of our class gatherings? I really wanna see you. Remember when we promised to meet once every week even though we're in different schools? Why didn't you kept the promise? I really want you to see the new me. I've changed and I wanna show you how different I've became. I wanna see how you are right now too. Do you still wear those red specs? Are you still shorter than me? Are you still broken? So much I wanna ask you. But I don't dare to msg you sia. I'm afraid at the way you would react. I'm scared you would ignore me. It's all about choices I guess. I'm guessing you wanna forget all about the past and move on. And I respect that. Just be happy in whatever you do kye? I really hope we would cross paths again. You probably won't recognized me. I'm different now. I bet you are too.

Laughter is infectious.

Day Nine : Someone You Wish You Could Meet.

2010-11-13T05:49:00.001-08:00

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Today is rainy. I like^^ Baked a cake and some cookies for test-drive purposes. Nice kye!! LOL. Cookie Monster ate my cookies;D Haha!! I hope it won't get ruin when I bring it to Korea tomorrow. Malcolm's uncle teaching him how to bake some super cool cheese cake. Awesome~ Must let me try kye^^ Went cousin's new nail/clinic place. LOL damn weird I tell you. Sick plus nice nails = epic. Her shop is like half half. One side manicure, the other side clinic. Manicure done by my cousin, and her boyfriend's the doctor. They look cute together:DD Played 5-10-15 with both of tem lost like fuck. Don't need to drink la just that I need to let her boyfriend do my nails and have it on till the end of korea. WTF LOOK DAMN ______. Thanks larhh. Treat your cousin like that. You watch out!! So today's challenge 's about someone I'd wish I could meet. Didn't even have to think who I wanted and well, to your dismay I'm not gonna write about some k-pop artistes. I'm writing to my real ______. Fill in the blanks yourself~! P would be the only one who knows. If he remembers.

______ :

Heyy. How are you doing? I hope everything is going smoothly. I really really wish I met and get to know you. This way life may not be this hard. Why did you left before I got to see you? I don't even know what you look like. No one would let me know. Why? You may ask. I don't know either. Maybe it's cause they don't want me to be upset further. They won't tell. But if there's a person I would rather meet it'd be you. I wonder how would you be like. Handsome? or Average? Tall? or Short? Muscular? or Small? I imagine you to be tall and average looking though. In my head, you look like the guy in Blue's Clues. Steve. I don't know why either!! Haha. But I would never get to see you. I would never get to know what kind of person you are. I never got a chance to love you. The void in my heart will never be filled up because you would never come back again. You're gone. But if I'd met you I wouldn't have got to have a sister huh? I guess it's a blessing in disguise? I have no idea. Is she your way of apologizing? I think so. She has brought me much joy. Rest well. I will visit you in your world when I've finish all I have to do in my world.

No does not mean never. It just means not yet.